A Necessary Thought...

I despise the idea that I maybe considered less of an African American because I have a different view...not necessarily in opposition but different.. Riots and looting solve nothing! Never have and never will! It's a moment of attention but when nothing comes from the action then what? What other efforts are you going to make? 

"We are in one of the freest countries in the world", yet we don't know how to survive in it. We allow it to control us and don't take responsibility for our actions just play victim and exist believing that "this is how it has to be" without doing anything about it. Mothers and fathers send their kids to school don't check homework or give two cares about the lack of respect a child shows toward his/her teacher or fellow student. But then it's not the parent it's the teacher responsibility ! Ok... So if we don't care why should they? If we fear each other, why wouldn't they? 

If all we can see is a white man killing a black man we are missing the real issue...and I am not in any way trying to belittle this counties history of slavery however the judicial system/law is corrupt. This country was founded on Christian principle yet we live in contradiction of those principles. And the irony of it all is that we praise people in law school who consider themselves great if they can get a "guilty" man off...and why? Because they have used the legal system in their favor and not for what is fair or just in a way that shows they a superior to the law, e.g. mastered it. 

There are many systems that fail us daily yet we fail to identify them and with the simple fact that perception is everything. We as a culture are failing one another... We have to get in front of that and be the change we want to seek. We spend more time hating and envying people than loving people and genuinely being concerned for their wellbeing and/or aiding in their progress. It's time out for always playing the victim. It's not helping us at all! 

Not saying that it's not wrong by far that men have died at the hands of officers who failed to practice law enforcement appropriately. But what I will say is that one reason I want a gun is to protect me from people who have no common decency and selfish goals. 

We can't control men or women...we can't control their ideas, motives etc., but what we can control is ourselves and the circumstances and situations we put ourselves in... We have control over our children and the moral, value and standards that they hold themselves to. We have control over how others perceive us. We have control over our behavior. We have the choice to be better... I guess one day we will make an effort to progress in the absence of killing, anger, raping, jealousy/envy, pride and money driven goals. 

Love... Now that may be the answer we can't fathom will work but just may do the trick!

Next Chapter

Sometimes in life love seems to be the biggest disappointment.  If that is the case the idea of love is still foreign.  I will not rant about what love is, you can read"The love Trials" or there are plenty of poems on my blog that share that information with you.   But what I will do is share the natural way love and purpose manifests in your life.  How we interpret this shows us who we are.  I have been watching someone in particular fall in love with me, unwillingly and it is crazy how in denial one seems to be.  Not only that when confronted with questions regarding behavior love is not only avoided, it is not an option.  But actions and words are not aligned.  Naturally when words and actions do not align we tend to seek affirmation from actions.  What people do can be seen to be more accurate than what people say.  What I have learned is that the only thing we can gather from words and actions not aligning is that they are not being honest with themselves.  They do not want to confront the truth.  Because when you are honest, your actions are a reflection of your words.

In this and previous chapters of my life I have made it a point to ensure that I vocalize my purpose.  Though now my actions are not quite aligning with my words.  I have been a writer for many years.  I have experienced things, I have been given wisdom far beyond my years but up until recently, I was not able to own up to that responsibility.  I was always afraid of what it would make me look like to know and and share such things.  But now I am not afraid of using it for the greater good.  I can't keep this inside for the rest of my life.  I have to share it.  I have to be all of the things I profess in my blogs and poems.  And I want to see it happen in this life.  It starts with me...So...now is the time.   I take accountability for my actions, I own up to my intentions and stop waiting on something to happen that I know I must make happen.  The process I am unsure of, but what I do know is that now my heart, mind, body, soul and spirit seek to be on the same page with my purpose. There is indeed WORK to be done.

The Contradiction

I love life, love and peace.  I wish that everyone could truly experience a peace of mind at least once in their lifetime.  You have to desire and seek a certain level of clarity and your humility, well you can't ever lose sight of it.  I am and will always be a POET first.  That is why I speak poetically, at all times the words, no matter what shape they take, rhythmically flow, tune state...poetry.  And now my thoughts on the contradiction of the mind overflow.  I find it funny that secular goals motivate and steer our interactions, behavior, progress or what we deem progress or success etc..  Most of us wake up in search of wealth, money, gold or riches (biblical speaking), yet you never encounter your life purpose.  What are you here for?  Instead of seeking the vertical perspective to answer this question, you find the news, entertainment shows and celebrities to give you a false idea of happiness, love and prosperity.  And that is what you seek.  Daily...off course.  Complacent with the idea that someone else's experience, wealth, love and/or life should be your own.  Selfishly you seek it, losing track of all the people you lost, released, demeaned, disrespected,  ignored or mistreated to get to "the top".  Only to find that you were trying to be everything GOD was not.  But you praise him, yet you seek him in secular things.  Needless for me to explain the contradicting things if you never listen...

life view
for many
are consumed with false ideology
life
horizontally

we go to church
we study the word
only to find our lifestyle will never align
never sought
his plan
and the walk
not your own
when your mind finds the state
that complacency cannot overtake
he will speak to you

and
show you life with a clean slate
give you a plan to impact the world
not always what you desire
but that's the thing
doing for him isn't selfish

it has a greater meaning

but until you look vertically

you remain

on a horizontal path

to nowhere

so

no need to point out the contradiction 

your already there...

Media Perception

As a woman, of Indian and African American decent, I am appalled at how easily we (women) all the media to dictate our perception of ourselves.  Not only will we allow status and superficial goals to drive our morality, it is sad that we allow the media to contribute to insecurity.  It prompts me to question how lost are we?  As women of God or as a women in general no matter what race, color or religion, we have allowed man-made ideals to validate our self-worth.  Why?  Easy for me to answer because we can't possibly love ourselves.  We can't possibly know ourselves if we so easily change our perception of ourselves to fit the masses.  Our drive has shifted, our moral and values lost in the ideals presented to us through the media.  We mimic what we are not to validate us.  It is so sad that we are lost.  We need to regain control of our minds.  I wrote a poem about beauty and the perception of beauty and what we should see when we are "Naked".  I have posted the revisited poem below:

NAKED

As your bare
witnessing nude
Naked
you
not nude lips
cheeks and eyes
no make-up can hid
the truth in your eyes
void of mascara
shimmer and shine
your face speaks
the story of blemishes, moles and black eyes
you can no longer hide
Naked
not nude
what thoughts flow through your mind?
what phrases find
The tip of your lips
as voice seeps
You try to keep your insecurities hidden
want to say positive things
But your criticism speaks
of how you hate
firm thighs
love made handles
and breast of any size
you fight back the desire to cry
depressed at how
marks stretched long and wide
share your story
the one you didn't want to tell
cellulite bears the pain
of memories held
and you continue to find the negative in the
frame
that has been with you in this walk of life
You cry
because for the first time you see
yourself
naked...
beauty
in the eyes of the beholder as our predecessors say
should be the driving force behind your desire to be great
morality defines value
and virtue
of a woman God ordained to carry life
and we are the immediate reflection of our past
we are the model for our future
yet man made perceptions taint
what we know as beautiful
so in the absence of the man who does not see
you
the woman of grace
with lack of fear in her eyes
the woman of strength
with lack of jealousy in her heart
the woman of life
with lack of hatred in her spirit
I say to you my sister
my daughter
my mother
and friend
I love you
and we are virtuous women
lover and barer of life
seekers of peace
and conscious minds
in active pursuit to be what God has defined as
femininity

To Be Open...

In love nothing is guaranteed, but love is an amazing thing.  Because we are human and flawed creatures we tend to place our frustration with love on everything but ourselves.  Our lack of understanding of love and romance plays a large role in how we perceive love and what we expect out of love.  Love is simple, often complicated by us, so what you seek needs to be simple.  True love is in the eyes of the man/woman you want to change nothing about.  Simple right?  Easier said than done I know.  Love does not encompass a life time of trying to define or change someone.  Your smile, your gaze/stare in love should be from the purest place; an undying attraction because for that individual your attraction was formed in the most genuine place.  NOT LUST.  Genuine, sincere love and attraction for that individual.  We have to be open at all times.  We have to understand that broken hearts are a result of misunderstanding and lack of love.  True love is undying.  And fear does not live in love.  They cannot co-exist.

Open to
facades
like
you are open to new
food
and lust
but love
you shy away from
can't understand the difference
attraction is the same thing
as tranquil vibes
peace defined
simplicity
harmony in the eyes
dances under the moon
and kisses under the stars
with
love
or
lust
can't decifer

yet
not the same thing

so
you guess
because the soul doesn't sing
during lustful thrusts
or tears of distrust

no loyalty

so

love doesn't qualify

yet

the secular defines it as love

so that's what you believe in
that's what your seeking

totally closed off to 

understanding the truth

of love

and it may never find you

because your to lost 

to be open...

UNIT-Y

For some reason
We identify more with UNIT
Than UNIT-Y
We are making exceptions for goals
To be seen
When the UNIT is to support
Selfish ideology
But
We need
UNIT-Y

Missing the message
Allowing the idea of perfection
To provide misdirection
Where are you headed?

As a UNIT
You seek
Yet do not find
Because ignorance defines
Said goal
To be clueless
To lack understanding
Of the notion of mass control
You allow yourself to be manipulated
As a UNIT
In the absence of UNIT-Y

No hope for the future
We are not where we should be
Fighting one another for the same dream
Same goal
Geed feen
Money
Power
Yields
Chaos
Monstrosity
I hope you see
The UNIT supports
Selfish ideology
But
We
Are in desperate need
Of
UNIT-Y

The frustration

Why can't you see 

The beauty that lies deep

Not in the image

You seek to be

But in the mind

The heart

Soul

And spirit of the present being

You...

So few accept the truth

Individualism

The freedoms 

So granted 

Only known to few 

To set yourself apart

To

Showcase you...

Somehow 

You lost sight of the view

The vertical perspective

In hindsight 

You preach individualism

While 

Vision obscure

I seek to find the variance

Between you

She

He

Him

Or her

Same goal

Same dream

Same drive

Superficial examples of love and life 

You find yourself in search of you 

In them

The model

You follow

And you wonder why 

I'm confused 

The Catch Up

When I first began this blog I was heartbroken, confused, lost and unconcerned about my destination. I always sought experience with no set destination.  But questioned who was I to become?  Who was I to love?  How would I let myself love again?  Will I ever experience peace?  Now, as a woman, with a career and inexplicable joy I sincerely appreciate my journey, my pitfalls, my pain,  my smiles etc.  Life has been so good to me and I have truly enjoy sharing it with you through my poems and posts.  It is an amazing thing to be able to reflect on growth.  Diary/Journal entries keep me in constant awe and anticipation for the new.  To set and achieve goals you had only hoped for is an amazing feeling.

As with all of my posts I seek to encourage through my words, giving you my walk on my writer's block.  My words seek to support your pain, joys and journey.  Just in the last three years I opened myself up to some amazing experiences,  without fear I moved across the country and I was enlivened.  I sought refuge in the unknown and I grew spiritually, was healed emotionally and had some of the best experiences of my life.  I was free to love and live and from that experience I have learned that love is to be given to all, without judgment.  I accepted my peace which I found in the bare necessities.  I now can say without a shadow of a doubt that I understand the meaning of life and found peace of mind that is inexplicable.

Not too many people can say they live without fear.  However I walk fearlessly everyday with hope to encourage those around me to seek the true meaning of life and love.  Because when you truly understand your purpose, you know there is nothing and no one that can take that from you.  Even if my legacy is not understood until I leave this earth, my heart will rejoice knowing that my existence will at some point help someone else in their walk of life.  I know that love is to be shared openly with all and has no price.  Love is free.  Love is appreciation of the trees, the simple things and the acceptance of self, flaws and all.  Unfortunately for most of us we will not give ourselves the chance to experience the love and peace that I speak of.  It requires soul searching and humility and quite frankly most of us are seeking goals, paths and journeys that are not our own.  So, my question to you becomes how long will it take you to seek your purpose?

Its been a minute...

It has been a minute since I have allowed anyone to take a stroll.  So much going on emotionally that has me very vulnerable.  If you know me at all you know if hate to be vulnerable so this has been a very difficult time for me.  While working extremely hard and trying to maintain a social life I find it very difficult to keep two people from my mind,  my best friend's mother, who recently passed away from breast cancer, and an old friend.  The process of grieving is one in the same as the process of moving on from a relationship.  What is worse is opening yourself up to greater possibilities and having the door slammed in your face for reasons unknown.  In recent conversations I have been surprised at how open I have been to the fact that I have greatly been impacted by the loss of my best friend's mother.  It was a great loss for me and I typically handle death pretty well, but the woman was so wonderful and had such a profound affect on me.  I miss her more than I can articulate and I wish I could just have one more conversation with her to gain her wisdom.  I am truly truly hurt by this loss.  At the same token I have given the one and only true love of my life away and it has been the hardest to deal with because just recently I realized that I regret my actions.  I regret saying "no" instead of "why now".   I am not one to regret and for that reason alone I think that this year I have been living more than usual, taking risk and living as much as I can.   But as much as I write, speak and encourage others to love I have not loved in a long time.  I want to, my soul longs to but I can't give love to just anyone.  How am I going to get out of this rut?  Only time will tell but expressing this can only help.

For now...

My thoughts...

In conversation with predominately adults (older than myself) I discovered that it is very hard for some to be open minded, and this has no racial specification.  What I have found as I continue to learn and grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally is that wisdom has no age definition.  Because every individual's walk on this earth is different you cannot define someone else's wisdom or lack there of by what you feel they have not experienced.  What I believe is that if some people took the time to look past the physical and allow themselves to learn from people you would be surprised at what life lesson someone can share with you that will encourage you to be better than you were yesterday.  But of course in order to do that you have to be "open minded".  

I too feel, especially as a writer and believer of continual growth and development, that there is no point in labeling someone as an expert.  With expert being defined according to Google as, "a person who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of or skill in a particular area."  I understand that when you are truly passionate about something you learn everything there is to learn and live for that passion everyday, but when you consider the idea of evolution and continual growth and development you are only or can consider yourself an "expert" about a particular item only at a specific point in time.  For that matter it somewhat contradicts the idea of expertise, as the individual knows all/everything there is to know about a particular idea, item, subject etc.  Additionally if you consider the fact that you are human and we base the truth or evidence of things that we "know" to be true we assume at that point that we are "all knowing" which we are not.  And in that case we are not an expert of anything because we only know what we know or what society claims to be true about a particular idea.   

Because we live in such a diverse world and because most of us have not had the pleasure to experience every aspect of this world every minute of every day we are merely making assumptions based on what we know or believe to be true.  And as humans we have to consider the fact that we too are bias.   Bias formed from individualism, culture, tradition, perception, etc.  When we interpret truths based on what research and studies conducted and lead by ourselves that yield data that we interpret ourselves, for that matter we are shaping the ideas we want others to believe we know everything about when in actually two individuals could conduct the same experiment and have two totally different outlooks.  Does this make sense?  I could be beating a dead horse here but I want to encourage people to stop being so closed minded and read, research and think for ourselves.  We don't have to rely on the "experts" to do what we can do for ourselves.   At the same time we have to be open to learning things from others and not close ourselves off to growth and development.  That is the foundation of evolution, aside from diversity.

This message may sound contradictory to some but the point is to learn from others not rely heavily on the ideas of one man to dictate your own ideas and be the basis of what you deem to be true.