Reflection

So I am the type of person who dwells not on success but I appreciate the lesson.  I reward myself with pursuing the next goal, checking more things off my list and it is great to take a moment to smile and reflect on where I have been.  Unfortunately for me reflection is in the form of review.  In order for me to accurately reflect I need to go back and there is nothing that takes me back like reading my journey; diaries and memoirs pieces of me on each page.  I cry at the struggles, I smile at its reward because pain fuels drive and the more it hurts the more gas I burn trying to get it right.  A product of perfectionism, a blessing and a curse but for me it works.  So with that I come up with this and I title it "Reflection".  Hope you enjoy!

With each page turned I digress
Temporarily forgetting its purpose
No longer seeing progression
Just hurt and
The pain that screams to me
I can't help but go back there
And mentally I am in a  new place
Flash back to what was
Thinking of how I could have helped changed its course
But fate wouldn't allow
New page turn
To where I am hit with lover's ambition
Always loved hard
But was never loved hard
So it hurts even more
Inconsistent with heart's desire
And what my soul needed so
I made dumb decisions
And turmoil emerged
And the further back I go
I come to know a little girl
Scorned from childhood names
And juvenile games that left tears that stained my pillows
And then the writer was born
Kept the thoughts and words on paper to leave them there
Sought refuge in a pen
Then developed the skill to speak poetically
And I continued to find peace there
Years passed and I still see strength in words
For the pen allows gratification
A freed spirit
No anger just motivation to want better
And with every breath
Every stride
Every note
And every line
I gave more
To my reflection
I gave more to my journey
And the autobiography is still being written