MILLENNIALS & HOMOSEXUALITY...TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

So I dedicate this post to the younger generation.  I am unaware of the proper generalization.   I understand that my sisters and I fall in the category of Generation Y but I am going to call these children born in the range of mid to late 1990s to early to mid 2000s, the Millennials.

My thoughts on the Millennials & The Fad of Homosexuality:

What is sad is how so many of our youth are followers.  Just about everyone is homosexual.  As a woman of strong Christian moral, I do not condone homosexuality however I do not judge those who make conscious decisions to be homosexuals.  But I do feel that the Millennials are taking homosexuality as a fad.  I remember when so many feared coming out about their sexual preference.  As a child I had no idea my uncle was homosexual, not until he had passed away and I was about 16 years old.  That is when I found out what he died from and I over heard my parents/aunts/uncles discussing it and put the pieces together.  But up until that point I had no reason to inquire about homosexuality.   I didn't know what homosexuality was.  Unfortunately the Millennials advance far before they are mature enough to handle the information they receive.  I feel that these children are making a mockery of  homosexuality.  I am by no means bashing those who feel that "that is the way they were born"  I am nearly pointing out that every young girl or man in middle and high school were not born that way.  But it seems as if it is the more popular thing to do now a days.

I would want these children to make up their own minds.   Find their own paths.  For a country that is based on Christian value and moral we deviate so far from making sure to impose that values and moral.  We are not put on this earth to judge anyone.  Only GOD can do that.  But we can share the word.  We can inspire others.  We can educate on what the word says, on GOD'S expectation.  We do not have the authority to criticize or mock.  I don't agree with that.  Even though I don't personally agree with homosexuality and that is not my preference, I would never criticize, hate, pass judgment or mock anyone.

What are your thoughts???

The Truth Will Set You FREE: TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

So it is crazy how we find the good and the bad in something that is morally wrong.  I am referring to LYING of course.  Bottom line, lying is wrong.  That is what we teach our children; we want them to be truth tellers.  There is dishonor in lying, however even with all of this understood, as adults, we never cease attempts to rationalize lying.

In most cases, well in some of my previous experiences, lying was only used when I wish not to hurt someone's feelings or to not get me in trouble ( as a child).  Now I find that lying does not help in any case.  When you lie to keep yourself from getting in trouble, even though in some cases it may work, you still never learn the lesson.  You will never understand why lying is wrong.  You feed into the assumption that lying helps when in actuality it does not.  If you are lying with hope to not hurt anyone's feelings, when that lie surfaces, the individual is hurt more that if you would have just told the truth in the beginning.

I am learning now that withholding information does not help either because it is misleading.  Not that I intentionally try to mislead people, I am just a very specific person so if you do not ask me a question the way you want me to answer, you may not receive the answer you are looking for.  And I do not operate under the "I think I know what you mean" assumption.  I will answer all questions as they are asked.  I will give nothing more and nothing less...period.

So with that being said, I have to ask how many of us lie?  How many of us feel that we are not really lying when we are concealing truths with the hope to not hurt anyone's feelings?  I am sure we can say we are all guilty of this at some point.  And for those of us who just blatantly lie and see no wrong in that, well you have a lot of work to do.

It is true what they say, once you tell one lie you must continue to tell another and another.  If you start out lying about simple things, before you know it your entire life will be a lie.  We have to stop using the excuse "it's none of their business" either.  When we try to keep people out of our business by lying we began to believe the lies we are telling.  Unfortunately then our entire lives become a lie and we can not decipher between what is real and what we make other's believe.

Think about that!

Today's Topic: Taking it to the grave... - Truth Speak Series

Unfortunately secrets will eat at you.  In the past, I admit that I am very much so guilty of encouraging someone else and myself to keep a secret.  Unfortunately keeping secrets does not ensure happiness.  Withholding truths eats at your conscious.  We all have the capacity to determine what is right from wrong.  We all know that telling the truth is better than lying however I find that more so as an adult we shy away from the truth in relationships.  And that is any kind of relationship.

I happen to believe in honesty.  I have developed a mindset where I encourage everyone I am in a relationship with, whether it be friendship, sibling, mother-daughter, father-daughter, romantic, etc. to be honest in everything.  If you believe that knowing the truth is more beneficial than knowing a lie than you empower yourself to set an expectation of honesty.  And I stand for nothing less.

I have not always be as forthcoming and even if I am not initially at some point I will voice my concerns, opinions and/or feelings and ask people to take my truth for what it is.  I understand too that sometimes we make judgements on how critical information may be.  But we do not fully understand the importance of specific facts to another individual.  For some the smallest things are very irritable and for some the more larger issues and critical.  And that could too be dependent upon the situation.  It is not our role to dictate what will or will not be important to someone else, but it is our role to stay true to ourselves.  It is our responsibility to make sure that we bestow the same respect and expectations on someone that we wish to receive.

I want to share a secret of my own:

So when I was sixteen years old I was molested.  I remember immediately feeling helpless, trapped and scared.  I feared for my own safety.  I feared that the next step would ultimately be rape.  I was so scared all I could do was pray.  For me the first time I ever shared this secret was too a bunch of strangers.   I found that it was easier to express because no one really knew me.  No one could make any connections as to who I was talking about.  It was also approximately 4 years after it occurred.  So imagine keeping that secret, the emotions, etc. bottled up for four years and trying to live without hate and frustration.  Even with this incident I managed to not hate every man on the face of the earth.  I managed to still know when and how to trust.  I believe that my strength came from God.  I chose to forgive.

I pose a couple of questions to you:


How many of you deem withholding infidelity from a partner ok (whether married or unmarried) if he or she does not find out?  Why or Why not?


How many of you are dealing with secrets that are tearing you up inside?  Will you ever tell?  Why or Why not?

Today's Topic: How Prejudice Are You??? - TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

So many of us do not like to admit the fact that we do hold some sort of feelings toward the prejudice that still remains.  Some of us fail to admit that we are actually prejudice.  It is quite natural in my opinion to segregate and use misguided opinions (assumptions).

I grew up in an age where I did NOT have to witness segregation, however I did have to learn about it and hear of its affects.  Those lessons in turn fueled a very early opinion regarding the mindset and thought process of caucasian individuals.  Although I do NOT consider myself racist or prejudice, I can not help but admit the pain, frustration and helplessness I feel when I hear about the trials and tribulations of my ancestors.  It sparks up a certain disappointment and rage.  I have the capacity to contain myself and my thoughts.  I have the ability to separate the past from the present, and in that respect I am able to not hold a grudge with individuals based on color alone.

Unfortunately racial bias and discrimination still occur.  Because of this, as an African American, we are sometimes forced to be prepared to handle these situations.  In those preparations we are planting and harboring seeds of the expectation of prejudice.  Some people believe that the capacity to succeed is based on color.  Some people believe that their  own setbacks are based on color.  We have to eliminate the mindset in order to truly eliminate prejudice and discrimination.  No one color is more prominent or more powerful than the other.  No one color has better chances at success than the other.  We have to stop generalizing personal traits and individual moral and standards.  We are making assumptions based on generalizations of a nation of individual people.  We have to stop making assumptions and making assess out of ourselves.   Not only because we are losing innocent lives, but because we are minimizing our own potential.  To live in this world and say that it is VOID of prejudice is ridiculous.  To live in this world and say that you are not prejudice is arguable.

My question to you all is will this ever end?  Will we ever be in a world void of racial discrimination?

Truth Speak Series

So I am working on something new and I am excited about it!  I had an idea to do a series of post, and it will initiate the month of May and go one through June.  During this period I will orchestrate some, what I like to call, "Truth Speak" topics.  I will encourage men and woman to share their stories.   Stories not exceeding 300 words, that will express aspects of their trials, journey and tribulations.  Somethings that most people may not know anything about.  More or less the deep dark secrets.  Fundamentally the truth.  I will also be so open to share things as well, that many may not be aware of.  

This "Truth Speak" Series is developed to help find closure and peace within the truth.  So often we hide things and we never understand how much the secrets manifest into pain and emotions of anger and frustration until we let it out.  By speaking about it, we are freeing up space in our hearts to let love in.  We are letting it go.  We can encourage one another.  We may also find that we have some things in common.  We will offer up suggestions.

This series is going to help give birth to spirits of forgiveness.  This series will help diminish spirits of fear, desperation, doubt and frustration.  This series will encourage us to move forward to some thing greater.

If you are willing to participate please visit my Facebook page www.facebook.com/audriwrites and let me know your interest.  Or simply comment on this post.

Have a great day all.

One Love,

Audreyanna

A to Z Challenge on AUDRIWRITES the BLOG NOW!!!

A to Z Challenge - 30 Days of Comic Relief

So if you know me at all I am definitely pushing myself outside of my comfort zone by writing about comedy in general.  Although I consider myself to be somewhat funny, more of a sarcastic funny really, but I am definitely going to try and thoroughly examine what contributes to a successful comedy.  

For all that are familiar with the with A to Z Challenge don’t judge me I am a rookie.  And for those who are unfamiliar with the Challenge basically I will be posting each day with a letter from A to Z (starting with A) being the topic for the post of that day.   If that doesn’t define the challenge thorough enough for you please feel free to click the link below:

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/what-is-blogging-from-to-z.html 

Hope you all enjoy!  

One Love,

Audreyanna

Chip away...

You chipped away at me
and I stuck to you still
like cement
I didn't move
even when you chose
to be
and dwell in the spaces
the place in between
uncertain
I made excuses for you
I hoped you would make your way back to
but you went on to the next
and chiseled at me
I allowed you to
Chip me away
and now my love is displaced

Untitled

so you are
that foreign tale
I longed never to get to
that broken heart
crippled pride
broken stride
and smiles
kept from life to
illustrate the pain
and I longed never to gain
or fight to tame
this kindred soul
and that was all true
until the day I fell in love with you...

Southern Belles, Fiction Novel, Synopsis *COMING SOON*

Southern Belles is a novel that takes readers on an emotional and dramatic journey into the lives, hearts and minds of a group of women who are true Southern Belles.  

Southern Belles is driven by the secrets of Jazzmine Phillips.  Jazzmine is originally from Chicago, but has lived in Texas for two years, in which she has developed a great friendship under the alias Alana Gaines with LaShelle, Natalie, Yolanda and Brittney.  When Jazzmine hit rock bottom, nearly being beaten to death, she fled Chicago and never looked back, determined to never let sex and money fuel desperation.  When Alana gets a feeling that she may have encountered a shady business deal, she calls on a friend from home to investigate.  Alana reluctantly discovers that LaShelles dedication to Slayton, is greater than any regard for Alanas best interest.

LaShelle, Shelle, age 30, is a woman of great knowledge but struggles with finding a balance between her professional, social and love life.  LaShelle is willing to do anything for the man she loves.  She is so blinded by love that it was inevitable that she would have to endure the consequences of being in a relationship with a notorious thug.

Natalie, Nat, age 25, spends most of her time climbing the corporate ladder, partying and seeking love.  Natalie has relations with three men; a man who doesnt really want to commit, a man who finally realizes that she is the one he wants and a man who she thought was willing to love her without obligation, through which she slowly discovers which gentleman truly has her best interest at heart.

Yolanda is a spoiled, unmotivated brat, who at the age of 28, still has no true goal for her life.  Yolanda lives at home with her parents in which she has no real responsibility.  Yolanda has acquired great education, at the expense of her parents, in hope to continue to receive their financial support.  She is perceived as naïve, but she always happens to be in the right place at the right time; because of that, she is able to shine light on a lot of things that have been going on right under the others noses.

Brittney, Britt, age 27, single handedly takes care of her son, Caleb, while running a very successful business and dealing with the trifling, selfish and freeloading man who fathered her child.  Brittney, so unhappy with the way her life was headed, leaves her babys father and jumps on a chance to be with her one true love, Maxwell Caleb Lawson, the man whom which she named her son after!   What Brittney thought would be a fairy tale ending turns into a nightmare.  Brittney finds out that everything that glitters isnt gold and there was a reason that she and Maxwell were not meant to be.

The Belles meet monthly; a time for each of them to reflect on their lifes journey, discuss issues and provide support for one another.  With this being a very dynamic group of women, the meetings can become unruly and not all the time do the ladies see eye to eye.

Southern Belles highlights the strength and determination southern women have for success.  Southern Belles seeks to promote self awareness, dignity and pride amongst women.  Southern Belles tells of how to succeed when faced with the inevitable aspects of life.

Who will persevere?  Whose life will end?  Will they remain friends?

Phases of Concrete

Fell hard on the grey slab
What was known to me as concrete
But what was known to you as
Cement
And the walls of entrapment
Or the pavement for road ways

I laid
I sat
I stood
I picked it up
Wasn't heavy at all
Seems that my mind
Translated the assumption into actuality
But really
It wasn't like I thought
Not at all
It was a grey stained t-shirt
That soaked up the words
And laughs
The smiles
And tears
Of all those who'd dare
To wear it
And now
It was my turn
To share it

The phases of concrete...

It is my turn to clear up the confusion
Put away misunderstanding
Make reality transparent
So you know the difference
Between
The phases of concrete

Your Kiss

Melt away my fear
Bring cheer to my heart
Warm my cheeks to rise
I smile
Engulfed in you
And your kiss
You make me feel alive
My soul dances
My spirit sings
Happy tunes
No blues
And its all due
To
Your kiss
How much longer do I have to wait for it?

Steps

One foot out
now in motion
I take the first step
and the robe that draped my bear skin
is now covering cement that still lingers of warmth
from when I was there

step two
open my arms
throw back my head
sun rays fed
my soul
free

step three
sirens scream
mothers snarl
and men seem to not lose focus
can I get to step four without
taking away liberties
nope

now in the back of a cop car
but life happens
in the search of personal liberties
my naked soul bearing
formed a road block in progress
and it may be this way for centuries

Patience is of Virtue

Patience is a fragile thing
It is very powerful and underestimated quality

In the world
Patience
Keeps wars from happening
Keeps boys from marrying women
And children from having babies
But the world thrives on controversy
Everyone wants to take a stand for negativity and make it positive
I mean
There is no justification for locking up innocent men
Or breeding children to do anything less but win
Or allowing the media to eat at individualism
Establishing bias
And contributing to the bridge that separates facade and reality

In life
Anxiety eats at patience
And society fuels desires to eliminate waiting
"Act Now"
"Think Now"
Common slogans that force us to compromise time
Time that allows us to make conscious decisions
Decisions and choices that allow communities to compete
Keeping up with the Jones is the norm
And living within means is poverty

And in love
Patience
Is the trait that allows you to recognize its worth
Love without time is a loss
You can not value something that you have not experienced anything with
Marriage symbolizes this
Marriage is a journey
A struggle
And an appreciation for the ability to sustain the love of one
When in true love
Patience is earned
You have to know its place
To understand

Patience and time make memories
They form journeys
And fuel appreciation for the simple things
Forcing anything is a sign of vulnerability
You wear you insecurities on your sleeve
When you feel you have to compromise time to be happy
You need step back and think
That maybe you need to work on self
See
Patience is of Virtue
The more time you take to iron out the kinks
The more smooth this thing called life will be

Reflection

So I am the type of person who dwells not on success but I appreciate the lesson.  I reward myself with pursuing the next goal, checking more things off my list and it is great to take a moment to smile and reflect on where I have been.  Unfortunately for me reflection is in the form of review.  In order for me to accurately reflect I need to go back and there is nothing that takes me back like reading my journey; diaries and memoirs pieces of me on each page.  I cry at the struggles, I smile at its reward because pain fuels drive and the more it hurts the more gas I burn trying to get it right.  A product of perfectionism, a blessing and a curse but for me it works.  So with that I come up with this and I title it "Reflection".  Hope you enjoy!

With each page turned I digress
Temporarily forgetting its purpose
No longer seeing progression
Just hurt and
The pain that screams to me
I can't help but go back there
And mentally I am in a  new place
Flash back to what was
Thinking of how I could have helped changed its course
But fate wouldn't allow
New page turn
To where I am hit with lover's ambition
Always loved hard
But was never loved hard
So it hurts even more
Inconsistent with heart's desire
And what my soul needed so
I made dumb decisions
And turmoil emerged
And the further back I go
I come to know a little girl
Scorned from childhood names
And juvenile games that left tears that stained my pillows
And then the writer was born
Kept the thoughts and words on paper to leave them there
Sought refuge in a pen
Then developed the skill to speak poetically
And I continued to find peace there
Years passed and I still see strength in words
For the pen allows gratification
A freed spirit
No anger just motivation to want better
And with every breath
Every stride
Every note
And every line
I gave more
To my reflection
I gave more to my journey
And the autobiography is still being written

I don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Or how to say it
You make me smile uncontrollably
I get anxious
Butterflies are present
At the slightest mention of your name
And all these symptoms remain the same
Sure sign of love

Now
I don't know how to deal with this
I don't want to indulge in this
To good to be true
You make me happy
But love in the relationship tense
Has been non-existent

I need strength to release the latch
That's attached to the key and lock
That gate my heart
My soul so fragile
But you make my heart so tangible

Lost in the expectation
Anticipating the ever after
You make lyrics easy
And the heart smiles at the opportunity

I want to say yes
I want you to come in
Just don't leave when
Shit gets ruff
When you find out that my strength has a cap
I can only resist so much
But I want to
Build up amenity to
Sustain you

The Contradiction

I met a man and I thought that he was something short of perfect, but he was a perfect asshole.  I let my love blind me...it muffled my ability to think clearly about his intention.  Although he was a perfect gentlemen and he loved me for the time being, he never knew how to respect me.  He never understood that respect was so very critical to relational success.  He thought I would lie to him, but he would lie to me.  He felt that it was ok to love me today and fuck her tomorrow, but he loved me and "respected me".  Do you see the contradiction?

Kept me
Fighting the urge to walk away
But my heart was clearer than my mind
It outweighed my ability to see
I couldn't accept that love passed me by
I wanted you more
Than anything and I couldn't help
Loving you in spite of
The contradiction
Lack of respect
I missed your presence
The man I fell in love with
The heart I saw in your eyes
The soul I bathe with
I couldn't understand why
You played on my emotion
For your own selfish reasons
Neglected my passion
Accepted my lust
And pushed away my heart
Saw the tears and you ran
But you felt love
The contradiction

The Unexpected

You remind me of that song I had not heard in years
Bring back smiles
And laughs that lighten my heart to tears

You
So unexpectedly sought the introduction
And after intention emerged
And sincerity was made clear
I was enticed

More and more
I craved you
Secretly longed for more contact
Wanting your interest to match mine

Even now
The irony intrigues me
No physical contact
But the desire does not fade
Intensity is great
And I cant wait for the first date

Even more now
You turned out to be
The one that showers me with peace
Brought by the presence of true adoration
And loyalty

I hope nothing will change
Always as new to us as school was to you
Before the grades turned to numbers

No amount of miles will diminish
The way my soul breathes you in
Harmony
The way we gel
I am so open to you

And we
Now only in the beginning stages
But these are moments
To fill time capsules
Because even if "Friend" is as far as we get
Your footprint leaves a stamp on my life
I will never forget

MAMA

My mother is a very courageous woman.  There were so many times I was selfish or couldn't understand why she had certain feelings or the times I thought she said no for no reason, I get that now.  I love her for my life and for shaping me into the women she always knew I could be.  To make her happy is my life long dream and with every one of my accomplishments it becomes reality.  Her smile is my motivation to be a BETTER me.  So, with that I dedicate this poem to my mother. 

Mama
I noticed
I saw how hard it was
But you wanted better
You never gave up
When child support wasn't enough
Put us to bed
And went on to the next job

I knew how much courage it took
To shake the tears
Had to say no dreams
To feed the needs
All those things we couldn't afford
But we never went hungry
Did't get it then
But now it's understood
I couldn't see
The fight
The drive
But yet
It rubbed off on me
And
I want you to know
I love the woman who would sale her soul
To give her children everything
Didn't stop until we no longer had to eat bologna
Homemade school uniforms
Hand me downs
Everything
Never ending love
Undying grace
Inexplicable faith
I love you Mama
Thank you for sacrifyicing
So that I could enjoy the finer things

Although it took years
We can now reflect
Look at your life
And your children's success

We are
The epitome of you
Your hardwork
Dedication
Courage
And pride was few
Because when it came down to it
You did all you could do
And I thank you
Mama
I love you

Can I Walk With You?

Never live in fear
Fighting for the opportunity
To take advantage of all chances
But you

Over analyzing the possibilities
No desire for the drama
Pain
Or deceit
So like most adamant lovers I retreat
Missing out
Taking the loss
Passing up on the better companion
Running away from the better option
Scared
Don't want to admit the possibility
That has me swallowing pride
Succumbing to the phrase "out of sight out of mind"
To help me cope
Ignoring passion for you
Because my life is so
Unpredictable

I don't want to run anymore
We speak through stanzas and phrases so in tune
You seek me
I run from you
Not ready
But
No more of that now
I need your sincerity
I fell victim to manipulation and so I grew weary

Not sure when I could admit
Not sure if I could commit
But I want to
In all my efforts to seek truth
I allowed love's desire to fuel
As  I run from the soul's mate request

I want to walk with you
I am open now
Continue to allow your words to caress my skin
Hugs that bear security
Kisses that reaffirm all that you could not say
Bliss
You surpass all the hype
My truth
So ready now
I ask
Can I walk with you?

Ignored Truth

You ignore me
The black eye
The bruised side
The dark shades you continue to buy
Yet
You disregard
Busted lips
Cracked ribs
And torn heart
Bleeding love
Seeping trust
Discarding me
Truth
That which you ignore so easily
You do not fret
Nor tear you shed
Immune
And here he comes
Five dozen roses
Gucci bag
Louie shades
And your heart in his hand
Patched up for now
Then it comes back
Heavy as cast iron
You sustain the pain
Fall back into the shadows
Dark in the depths
Devalued
Pride placed in his wallet
Behind the black card
That pays for your silence
Ignored the facts
And again
He tears you down
Fists bring you to shame
So he feels like a man
Just to gain
Submission
Wants to play God
In this instance
And you don't understand
Say it's love
But you ignore
Truth
But for how long

You Lovin' Me

You lovin' me
And my heart belongs
Wrapped in the arms of the man I long
Still
Patiently devoted
But no words will
Move him
So I allow you to love me
In the meantime
You show me every inch of your
Soul
Your heart
Your body explored
And I love you
But in love
Not at all
Yet
You lovin' me
With no truth of commitment
Little passion for future shit
Just the now
You
Buy my mind occupied time
Redirecting thoughts
Placing smiles where
His absence hurts
Mending pain
For now
So I ask you to
Stop
Loving you is neither then or now
I
In love still
Encourage you to gain will
To acknowledge how I feel
To let me be and love for real
Because even if he doesn't come back
Loving you means settle
And both of us don't need regret
So
Stop
Your continuing to love me
Doesn't carve our names in the soul of destiny
But
You lovin' me is fatal
You are killing the desire to love
Once I deny your intention again
You will dwell
Time spends
No rewind
Lost in life again
Still
You lovin' me
Break the cycle
I hate to be
The foundation of the heartbreak that led to inability to love
That's exactly what happened to me
Questions of why and how
Wanted to be everything I could be
But I was
Not good enough
So in love
I suffer
Cause
You lovin' me
I'm loving him
And he lovin' she
Trapped in love
Tangled miserably

Any Way The Wind Blows

You go any way
Right
Left
Forward
Back
Just goin'
Wind blowin'

You make me fear the trail
You lead and I
Stuck here
Making sense of it all

Once was here
Now there
Holding her
Your heart here
Doesn't make sense

Tell me why
You go
Any way the wind blows

The heart shows through your concern
Your smile
Your enegry
Emotion
You let me know
This is where you belong
Here

But
For now you sleep there
You call here
And you yearn more
Because although it was easy
Being blown by the wind
It is harder to fight
Yet
True love always wins

The Power of Confidence

You hide behind the shadow of you

So caught up in the unnatural
Engulfed in the facade of perfection
Can't comprehend
The power that speaks volumes
The quiet in the storm
The illuminated soul
It’s radiant

I see what you are
You see what you want to be
Unleveled
You take time away from self development
To build on the politically correct/socially accepted you
Don’t even know you
Don’t listen to your heart to hear its truth
Quiet now
Peace is still
Take a second to really exhale
What do you see?
Life in reality
Real time
In this I find sincerity
I take pride in me here
It’s home
It allows me to be at peace
Even when I am alone
If you don’t realize the power you hold
You can never convince me
I will never believe you
Let confidence guide
Let your pride ride
Not steer
Humility is accepting the faults
Use them
I speak volumes
My words move mountains
You witness the greatness
You see the light that illuminates
I can’t fake it
The smile is pure and I BELIEVE
I HAVE FAITH
My confidence exudes

No fear
There is no hesitation
It is the acceptance of choice
Don’t take for granted the consequences
Let them teach you
Let the hurt prompt you
Falling is ok
Just remember not to break
You are as great as your greatest thought
Make light of you
Let it drive you

Use the confidence as power
Don’t let it overtake you
Too much of anything can overwhelm you
I am watching
I am waiting
Embrace YOU
I want to share this peace with you

Untitled

The possibilities are infinite
My insecurities fear it
I want you more than I have ever wanted anything
But
If I let down my guard I risk shame

Love has so many expectations
So many rules and regulations
And we don't meet the norm

I could say that it is traditional
But we are so unconventional
And no one understands it
We
Breaking all the rules
Fear the reprecaussions
But when it is pure and true
You can't deny it
I want you

There is nothing better
We make time to be there
You long to rest here
In between my breast
And I find peace
In your lips as the press against
The temple
With all sincerety
You make it harder to rid myself of you
You want it as much as I do

You make it easy
Time makes it impossible
Can we live with this?
I feel God ordained it
But will we be able to sustain

I long to hear your name
And you envision my frame
In future years
All of the signs are here

So
Allow souls to dictate
Or
Fall victim to unconventional mandates?
Heartbreak is at stake
What path should we take?

Brand new...

I am feeling like fresh white sneaks
Leaving squeaks until they get use to the crease
I am
Giving you the feeling of first time excitement
I am so speechless
Silence speaks

You got me, feeling love in undefined places
Its like the brand new feelings
As we share butterfly kisses
Leaving the taste of love
Creeping up in the stranges places
And I need to grasp it
The love handle that tickles
The smiles that teases
And then its time to release

Those new sheets have to get old sometime
That clean car gets duty afterwhile
And that shine goes dull in the meantime
But
Everytime our eyes meet
Our souls speak
And it feels like the very first time
And I get weak
In all the undefined places
I get
Brand new feelings
And the cycle is never ending

I Want To Empty It...

I am going through the motions because everyday feels like the day something great is going to happen.  I am living everyday with the same passion and drive I had for the day before.  I love knowing that I get one more chance to make this blog more interesting, to add more chapters to my novel, work in progress, to add more depth to my life, to add more color to my story. 

My mental journal is full so I try to empty it every now and then.  Either on this blog or on the pages of the lines that contribute to my life story.  And it doesn't matter if it is in verse, stanzas or phrases and paragraphs; it's all the same. 

So
I want to empty it today
Clear my head
I need new brain space
New open place
For it to form
I want to bless this page with text that creates
And contributes to
My memory

I want to free myself of past relations
Free my mind of hesistation
To allow greatness unfold
I want to free myself from the strong hold of perfection
Not to escape it though
As a Virgo I am destined

I want to make the time here infinitive
I want to add color here through experience
Experimenting with opposition
Learning from doing what I shouldn't
Provides me with more to write

I tell all as I let him in
I wrote my love letter to passion
And he fell through the crack
Broke down the wall from the outside in
He is so strong
So much courage he holds
And I am more in love

As the days turn
I learn
I crave nights of thoughts
Days of hugs
And afternoon love
He gives me
All that I can not write
All the emotion I tell not
I keep secrets now that he is here
He holds my truth
And he holds it well
Right in arch of his back
The touch of his hand
The smiles not fought back
The heart left hurt
But I mend that
In the way the man speaks my name
He holds no shame in knowing
He knows all
In all that the man is
He holds me down

There is no amount of fame
Nor money the same
Can measure up

He is truth
He is my secret to
Life
And I want to empty it
May it touch you

Something New

Like 15 year olds we
Pursue late nights
Heart to ear conversations
All with hope
Hope that it lasts forever

No spats
All in agreeance
For the moment we
Appreciate the likeness
For it will end soon
The smiles will merge into frowns as we find
We are not
Perfection is a distant memory
Love not lost
But hurt in the eyes
Lost
Because we got caught up in the begining stages
We neglected the signs
Signs that the intensity of the ride will cease
Signs that direct our minds to prepare our hearts for now

We neglected to accept truth
So now we seek
Something new

Secrets

Just like white lies


They surface

And once in awhile

They are mine



I try to control them

Deep within

That which you do not need to know

For what

To use against me

To manipulate me

In case you are unaware

There are no puppets here

No strings tied to my back

I talk on my own here

This life I live

I drive alone

So I keep secrets

To keep you close

And him closer



She who scowled at my rings

The designer brands

And finer things

Kiss my ass

It's free

They come and go

Just like air

Like life

And the lies you keep in circulation

You won't get ahold to these

Secrets



They encompass my pride

The success that I hide

Modesty

It's attractive

I

Humble

Every moment is precious



To know all

Is to know to much

Human is greed

We don't need that much

Redirect your focus

Steer clear of me

Don't be road blocks

Encounter clarity

Everything is short

Even memory

Passion

Missing now
The way you kissed the soul
How unexpectedley you broke the mold
Missing now the sound of pen strokes
Crumpled sheets
And creases
As the page turns
My absence from you drives me crazy
He moves me
But you inspire

Can not recall all the countless hours
The support
For all the tears that stained
Have you really gained
Not I
Still get butterflies
Eye smiles
Curled toes
The passion unfolds
As the pages divide

Wanting more now
Clean sheets
Soft skin
The sound it makes when they meet
Purity

You long to meet me there
In between the....

Destined for....
That's it
Happiness

Untitled

He brings me peace
And I like that I keep him intrigued

He wants to learn me
I honor that
He longs to comfort me
I take pride in that

His voice calms
His eyes sooth
His motive
She
The depth too
Which all is great
No one can explain
She leaves them speechless
The effect
To good
So
I make due
Trying to extinguish the fire
Although it gets hard to devour
Everything but the external power
So
They should meet
Some day and greet
No sooner than date three
To
Turn all not said into
Undeniable passion
And this is the foundation of love
Old fashion
Pure intention
Gravitation
Two souls
Now one
And the story unfolds

To be continued...

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Today I encourage you all to check out my girl jeans line at www.foxxytail.com! The new line is banging and the promo t-shirt designs are by yours truly so check it out today....

One Love

Explain this...

So
Explain this...
Why do my feet call to my calves
Who speak to my thighs
And they
Enlivened her
She awakened my soul
Which sent rapid beats to my heart
I am up now
Loving more than ever now
But where is he?
I secretly hoped
He craved my caress
As I gently grazed my finger tips up and down his back
I comforted him
And he would rise
With just on look in my eyes
He wanted me
More than ever now
Yet
It's
Nothing like anything we had ever experienced

Now
We are two
Trying to decider the difference between fear and foolishness
We love just the same
Our hearts call to one another
In the same way
And
That explains
Why you still sneak touches
Why you gaze in amazement
Why you still do what I love
And
Why you feel like this is "home"
But this explains
Why my love never dies
Why I long to be by your side
Why my heart beat increases
If I am at all sure you are near
Why I can't believe this shit still happens after 2 years
After all the shit you put me through
After all the shit I did to you
I knew I would loose
But it doesn't feel like it
That is why
You still can't find reason
To find "the one" more than once in your life
I am still
And always will be
Can you explain to me why you run from it?
Unconventional I hope has nothing to do with it...

The Present

So
I thought that it would die
All this
I
Surrounded with no one but self
And my mind defines this as peace
But truthfully
My heart stirs
Uncontrollably
And I can not direct my hearts call for company
It
My soul
Still longs for him to be
In my world
But he seeks the not
He diverts from the possibility
No matter how often it presents itself
He acknowledges not
I don't wait
But I hate how it feels
Giving his time away
Trying to play myself
I don't really want them
But
I can't have him
This love shit
I pass on it
So
I repeat the nights I laid by his side
In my mind
With no hope to find the past
And with passion to drive out
The present

Life Experiences

So you know today I am so much better than yesterday.  I can see so much clearer, I have learned so much more and so many doors have opened.  You honestly never know who is watching you, who admires you, who adores you, so you always want to keep your best foot forward. 

You know I really try to uphold my christian values and moral.  I live life with NO FEAR, for the only person I fear always works in my favor. 

I have been asked to be a guest on a Houston taped television show.  It may be small but I see the dream and I applaud the goal.  In this day in age it is always about who you know and not what you know.  I know enough people that if I wanted to be on the first track to stardum I probably could, but then what would be the life experience?  I would definitely miss out.  I want to live, I need that.  I want to learn, because I am better with that. 

Over the past ten years I have grown so much.   Although I am a woman of many talents I use each one to get me to where I want to be.   This year really has been an awesome year for me.  Two meaningful blogs that I hope speak to you in more ways that one.  Two published books (poetry collages www.lulu.com/audreyannagarrett) which released the past so that I can move forward!  Love that.  I have established a graphic design company, Features Editor for Teen Chic Magazine (http://www.teenchicmag.com/) and I have done all of this while pursuing a MBA and maintaing a career!  I would say that I am bad ass, and since I hardly ever take a moment to reflect on my achievements, I pause..............

I really hope that you all walk with me in 2010, because it will be a phenomenal year.  I can not wait to see what GOD has in store for me.  I am living life one day at a time and learning all the while. 

2010 HERE I (WE) COME...


One Love

Writer's Block

Click on the Link to get your copy....


Writer's Block  RELEASED TODAY AND ON SALE NOW @

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/writers-block/6045343

Don't forget to tell me what you think!

Be blessed ya'll


One Love

A

PRESS RELEASE FOR WRITER'S BLOCK

Pearland, Texas 77584

Phone (713) 834-4964

Press Release
Contact: Audreyanna Garrett
Phone: (713) 834-4964

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
12 A.M. CST, December 1, 2009

WRITER’S BLOCK RELEASE

HOUSTON, TEXAS, DECEMBER 1, 2009: Audreyanna Garrett’s “Writer's Block” is the sequel to Diary In Reverse, release previously this year. Garrett composed this conclusion to the very passionate and heartfelt “Diary In Reverse”, in which she exposes an ex-relationship through poetry and verse. She captures her attempt to move forward from the past feelings associated with a previous relationship.


“In Writer's Block I ask readers to come and take a stroll with me, to experience me on the streets and blocks of life…” Garrett’s book will be released on December 1, 2009.


For more information, contact Audreyanna Garrett at

audreyannagarrett@gmail.com.

“I leave pieces of him, of our story, behind on each block and each street I encounter. I give you my Writer's Block literally...”

Diary in Reverse Review

Critic Caroline Eick recommends Diary In Reverse.

Untitled (that is usually the best sh%^)

I am new to this
Just like I am new to you
Got me screamin out help
For no reason

I got you making me breakfast in the evening
I honor you
I make this life non-fictional
So you return to me
I am your threepeat
How many times
How many chances
How many kisses it took to make me say yes and
We advanced
Off of chapter one

We both played the roles
And now we live the next
How many more before we max
Out the possibilities
How many moments before you do
Everything to make me happy
I hope the possibilities are infinite
I have nothing but time
For you to find
More ways
With hope that I stay
In your arms forever


Every woman wants to feel like she is a necessity not an accessory.  I need to know that I am being valued not used. 

How will you show her what she really means to you?

Random Thought

You know if I thought that life was going to be easy I would not try. I would make no effort in the pursuit of my goals. I would have given up on all of the projects, all of my commitments and all of my responsibilities, because that would have been easy.


As much as I love life I do get discouraged. I am around people all the time that remind me that I am great, and doing great things but why do I get discouraged? I am in the midst of all the positivity and I can not remain encouraged.


There are times I feel invincible and more than capable of being amazing. Then there are times where I question the reality of the capacity to actually achieve all the goals I have set for myself. I want so much out of life and I focus so much on achieving the goal that I do not take time to commend myself. I do not take time to encourage myself. I keep going and going and giving and giving until I have nothing left.



I am encouraging you to applaud your success. I want you to take moments in life to smile and reflect on your own greatness. You are great and even if you are not surrounded by a great support system, just know that you are more than capable. You hold all the cards. You play them. Make every move count.


And now it is time for me to take my own advice.

Teen Chic Mag

Today I am encouraging everyone to check out Teen Chic Magazine @ http://www.teenchicmag.com/.

ENJOY!

One Love,

Audreyanna

Mister

I wrote it for him, but I don't think I ever finished it, but I want to share it with you.  Enjoy!
Mister

The water to my waves
The sun to the rays
Air to the breeze
We need to
Bring peace to chaos
And I am the fire
You extinguish to
Keep green benevolent
The cycle is prevelent
Like air
We need it to sustain

The "L" in love
That is neccessary for comprehension
The lock to the door so that its use is prominent
I support you
Like the stem on the glass
Without you
I have no structure
You are succulent

You are the mister
From whince my last name derives
The apple of my eye
The love I want
By my side

Like leaves to the fall
You are the point of it all
Without one another
We compliment nothing
Our existence is useless

You
The mister
That has my heart
Dancing with the stars
People walking on mars
Its greater than
Me and you surpass the bull shit
And
Quite frankly
I need you

HELP ME CHOOSE A COVER.....

Help me choose the COVER for WRITER'S BLOCK.....

Which do you like best??????

A

B

C

D

Vote now...Just send the choices to @solux2010 or simply comment

Thanks GUYS!

WRITER'S BLOCK

This is not just a blog but it is also the SEQUAL to DIR (DIARY IN REVERSE) which if you have not got your copy yet you should....It is great and the reviews say the same.

Just about a few more months and I will be able to give you more information on Writer's Block but I can guarantee you it will be worth your time and money.

Follow me on twitter for constant updates of the work in progress @solux2010!

If you follow this blog and you do not follow PoeTically SpeaKing you are so missing out...Check it out at www.soulpoetspeaks.blogspot.com

This is only the begining...STAY TUNED!

The Third Star To The Left

Like this star
Always shines
I long for you
In the same space

You are better than
And we are great
We want more
Yet
Hesitation emerges
We have yet to embrace
The pleasures
Unsuccessful attempts we make
Not capable of redirecting fate
It doesn't live there
With they
His touch remains
As she stains
Your present

Why not?
Can we make it?
Let's just make it
Happen

I apologize in advance
For breaking the plan
I apologize in advance
For appreciating the man
She doesn't know how to love
I willingly accept the role
I crave your trust

I
The fork in the road
That steered you free
The sign that said "Love me"
Don't you think
That's what your soul meant
When it cried to me
I think subconsciously
You may not be ready
Something this real is usually so far fetched
But here
In this moment
It is meant

You delight in it
We
I
The essence of your peace
You long for it
You long for me

Let's meet
Under the third star to the Left
So we can take
Seven steps
Into destiny


I wrote it for him....the verse to my favorite tune. The bridge the lessens the gap between my world. He makes it make sense. He makes me believe that love is still innocent. I always recognized it. But when maturity is at is lowest you have to learn to redirect focus, until you can appreciate. The view on life and love now more profound that you know what to seek. I know my true peace lies in the hand of he...

Hopefully he responds....

(fingers and toes crossed... ;0)

Relapsed

I thought of him with hope today...no disgust or dismay....SURPRISED because I despise his presence. The content of his language in the last was harsh and inconsistent. Tried to blame me for poor judgement...NEGATIVE. I already suffered and do not allow myself to fall victim twice. What happened to good old fashion Southern Hospitality? I got it. No matter how many buttons are pressed I still hold it; because honestly this relapse was only because my heart spoke to my mind and told it to cry out to him...My mind was greater...and not it is forcing my heart to find pleasure in him...

Think about it...

DIARY IN REVERSE

Diary in Reverse is avaliable now...get yours plus 10% off when you enter coupon code "julycontest10" at check out....go to www.lulu.com/diaryinreverse....much love

The Dissapointment

No one is better than God...You are not even close. The idea is to stive for excellence, not promote oppression and ignorance.

If the only way some feel better is if others feel worse, reconsider your purpose...We can not live life in fear of someone being better than us. You are you, and you are capable of only doing and succeeding in the things that you can do. If you have to make some people feel inferior to you than you are insecure and you need to find happiness in you.

I love my people... but often times we can easily place blame for past oppression to anglo-saxtons, but we excuse self inflicted oppression with the explanation that we are just being black. Doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me either.

I am all for self confidence and love...But when you start to compromise morals at the expense of some one else's feelings...that says alot about you character and individual moral.

Why?

Not so sure, but I am dissappointed in those who make you feel worse to feel better. Go to church. Search within' self to find the answer, because you are NOT happy. Making yourself believe you are better just because your shoes cost more than his...

That is a negative.

Style has no cost; but immorality and discriminatory behavior does. Get it together; we are all of the same blood...that, blood, has no separate colors. And what's worse is that some of us try so hard to be another, or the other (race), that we don't even recognize our significance. We misinterpret our purpose and live life searching....not enjoying it.

Think about this.....

RECEIVE 10% OF DIARY IN REVERSE (D.I.R)

CHECK OUT DIARY IN REVERSE BETWEEN JUNE 25TH TO JUNE 30 AND RECEIVE 10% OFF WITH COUPON....

JUST TYPE "JUNECONTEST10" AND YOU WILL GET THE DISCOUNT!

WWW.LULU.COM/DIARYINREVERSE!!!

ENJOY

~PRESS RELEASE FOR DIARY IN REVERSE~

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
Audreyanna R. Garrett
Poet/Author

www.soulpoetspeaks.blogspot.com www.theverticalperspective.blogspot.com

Up and Coming Author Prepares for the Release of Second Book of Poetry: Diary In Reverse
Houston, TX -- June 22, 2009 -- “Diary In Reverse is just a poetry collage of real life and love experiences.” With that as the basis, Audreyanna Garrett is set to release her second book of poetry. Diary In Reverse captures the emotion and trials of relationships.

A different perspective to her critically acclaimed 2006 release, Poetically Speaking, Diary In Reverse began as simple journal entries, a way to vent and document challenging life experiences and relational feelings. “I began to write poems and entries about them and then it evolved into to a collage, which I later restructured in to a reversed version of my diary…” says Garrett, “… the irony and inconsistency of some of the sections in the collage give it dynamic. It makes it more realistic and relatable to me. I wanted everyone to be able to relate to the poems.”

The book is scheduled to be released and available for purchase via web on www.lulu.com/diaryinreverse on June 25th 2009. Samples of Garret’s work can be viewed on her blogs at www.soulpoetspeaks.blogspot.com and www.theverticalperspective.blogspot.com. Information for the official book signing and release party will be posted on these sites. “… Diary In Reverse is just a poetry collage of real life and love experiences… it is love made plain…”
For information:
Contact: audreyannagarrett@yahoo.com

Newness...

There is this thing called newness...sometimes we bask in it; other times we run from it. I need to exprience this, this fresh new way of thinking, his optimism, the fear of the unexpected but the excitement of the possibilities!

I am happy. I love knowing that he still gazes at me, when I smile. I stare at him from miles and he feels me. Wonder if he wants me to? Wonder if he already knows, and sees a future of two? I just sit back and enjoy the view. He will jump on the ride eventually. But in this time I will give him desire....make him want more. So he admires my anatomy, the words I speak and the abkility to let nature take its course...He delights in me, but fears encounters and so do I, but I am not scared to try and make him happy.

So what do you say? Embrace the new.

ONE LOVE

Do you not love the feeling you get when you are peace with everything, life, career, goals, etc? I do! I am feeling it now...Constant smiles and not a piece of hate or anger involved. No hidden feelings, don't need the facade...In love with my drive, determination and I am reaping the benefits. Sometimes it takes you a little while to see the success in it, but you will.

Diary in Reverse is in the last stages of Editing!! It is almost there.... Expected Launch in July or August....But the book will be available at the conclusion of the Month. I am ecstatic, proud of my accomplishments; and I am maximizing all the possibilities. Try it.

Life is good, and GOD is great.

Enjoy it; delight in him...

One Love

The Next Block....

As then it came to me...It is really not what I expected. Nothing like what I deserve. He fell short, and I allowed it to be done. What next? Nothing major...just packing up. Moving on to higher heights or other longitudes and latitudes...what are your coordinates? Will you direct me to you? Or will I have to make believe, here on this corner; imagining that it is when it is not? I can not imagine living with the hope of the not EVER....would you? Could you allow yourself to partake in something that is worse than a broken record? I guess if you implement love as a factor you could. But why want to? There is so much passion in the NEW. So much to gain and live through. I believe it is the FRESHNESS of it all. Just like new sheets, new apartments, new clothes, etc...we live in that moment. Savor every memory and character components. Never wanting to loose it. So DON'T. Start packing...I did. Move on. No fear. To the next block...Welcome home, to here....For NOW.

Contagious....

You are contagious...and every time I hear your name I catch it. This was suppose to be a poem but the words just fell into the space; granted, for me to develop this post. Bottom line....I can not help it. I want to never be rid of you...want no medicine to cure this disease, of love. It's so impure, that is why I am sick and I can't rid myself of it....well I wanted the poetry so lets rearrange the lines a bit:

Like the swine flu
Your catchy
Powerful
Unhealthy

You wear out my immune system
Like pneumonia
I can't fight you
Don't want to
Need you to find the cure
The antidote
I am sure you have it
Just don't want me to nab it

You like this
You love the power
Continuous strokes of your male ego
And I
Can't argue
It's huge
If I could rid myself of you
I am not sure I would

Love is an addiction...and whenever it's near I can not wait to embrace it...it's contagious. You know it. You feel it, with each stare, each embrace, each day you get to wake up to that person it reignites...I hope you are aware of it. Allow it to invade you. You can not die from it, unless you allow it to blind you. And I am not condoning violence. That isn't love; it is hate at a great cost.

All I ask is that you face truth...and all though his/her truth may not be yours presently, love will prevail eventually.

His love....

What's left for me to do? As I stroke the keys tears fall through the spaces...I have never adored anyone more than he. I need to release myself to be at peace. I need him to free the pain, the anticipation, the fear of rejection. I need him to accept me. Love me willingly, unconditionally...Is it possible? The question is left unanswered...but if answered does that mean there is no room for me? I hope not. The thought is scary, so scary that the thought of it sparks tears that fall silently. And there is NOTHING that can cure me. But his love...

As Long As My Heart Beats....

As long as my heart beats
I get a chance to
Make love with you tangible
I can't deny feelings felt
And you can't deny truth to this depth
Love so pure you think twice
Thirds and forths
To stubborn to give in
Because.....
You feel like you lack
You keep me away
Life not where you want it to be
You stray
To much respect from this heart
To much to loose if you fuck up
So you let it be
I
Always in your memory
The daydreams
And night screams
That have you longing for me at all hours
And when you call
I don't answer
Confused

You love not
I love much
In love we are not
But it lingers amoungst
You ignore it
I look like a fool for facing feelings
Left
To feel this alone
You want not
So I move on
Right
Then you call
For my presence you yearn
But you wished for it
And now I am done
Blocked out
You thought it was right
Just like my actions speak loud
Yours fight
Fight naturally your heart's desire
Why not let me
Help make you the man you want to be
How much longer will it be
How much more will you entertain the now
Cause we are greater than
We are substatial
We conquer everything
And when we encounter one another
Nothing can take away from
The way our eyes smile
And our hearts speak to one another
No man has ever given me butterflies
At least not everytime
Uncontrollable nervousness overtakes
And I vulnerable and weak
You, my rock
I need to keep
Steady knees
Hide it all through my smile
Love spoke to you miles
Away
As long as my heart beats...
You are every breath I take
The mate for my soul
The very reason I take
Chances
So make me honest
Cause honestly for me
It's true love or mate less

If this is the last time I sing, last time I spit verse or get to look at the sunshine.....(deep breath.....sigh) I know I am done. I lived this life to the best of my ability. No one could ever say I never LIVED. I have and continue to fearlessly conquer this thing called life. I love and live knowingly...willing to accept all possibilities. I know that this is not and will not be forever.

I, always prepared for the inevitable, will never regret what life has given me. I have learned so much and lived such a full life that if he calls me tomorrow I would come running. I grind and I love like it could all be over soon; like it could all vanish in a second. God given drive...That is coming from a place deeper than you or I. If you could comprehend it you would probably try and live your life the same as I. Yet so few have the capacity to deal with it.

I, I am that she that has the world on lean; and so the axis still spins. Mother nature and the essence of fertility.

And if I had to say, what my last words would be...I would bless God and tell true love to hold a place for me. No matter how far apart we are. Our hearts and souls are eternally linked now. I would thank him for every opportunity, and release life with a smiling face and eased soul.

Have you ever thought of viewing life through this light? A vertical perspective...can you see it for what it is? I will give you a moment to think on it.......Now....Your reply please...

Love Verse/Poerty

When confusion consumes what determines the outcome? Is it the heart or head? What brings clarity? How do I rid myself of the clouds and the blurred vision? I need the answers quick....he awaits my decision.

I know what feels right, but is it better for the future? Damn it, I, stuck now. Confronted with thoughts and resolutions that derive from common sense, feelings and logistics. How plain does truth get? I mean, I knew what it was and what it could have been...and if you didn't you would have never given me...you. So, torn now between present and fate. Where does you heart lay? How much are you willing to put at stake?

As for I...nothing. No man, no woman no earthly possession could make you be uncertain. You are the derivation of my certainty...No doubt in you. No doubt in we. I never know how the words are perceived until I tap the keys. I write continuously...stop...re-read. My preparation for your clarity. I see you. I hear you.. Peace overtakes you... I touch grace, and we grazed the side of your cheek and you involuntarily close your eyes...

No longer you fight. Surrender to we. I now done with the ride...can we partake? Are you ready to be...extraordinary. Love me...

I just want to be yours. And forever is questionable, but this heart is undeniable. And true love immeasurable.

Questions

My soul and mind are free, but my heart is with you. I love living and loving you. And of all the times I think about the situation I find no resolution. No reason for not coping.

Why is this so hard?

Did I really loose myself in you?

Why?

How can I get me back?

I want me back with you...My soul illuminates in your presence. You radiate me...I love you.

Will you ever?

Give me reasons for suggestions of marriage in future tense?

Was it false hopes to see what you were up against?

I never asked for you...never sought or even wanted us. It just happened. And now I miss it....

Was it miscommunication that kept the distance?

I think we still longed for one another...

Was it fear of truth that we never ignored? Or did we?

To many questions with so few answers. My fate lies in your light. My heart seeks the whispers of your soul. It kills me to hear it calling me, but it is muffled by her...it is drowned out by the thoughts of progression in misery...She will never be me. You still long for it every time our eyes meet. And you always will....We are incomplete.

Writer's Block

Come take a stroll on it
Live and think thru it
Can you make it out?
Are you confused by it?
Stained with chalk for previous childhood games
I am over it
Cracked by heavy feet
And government remedies
Sustained the bass he used to drown out the kids playing
But they still live here
We all do
On the block
I made my heart new here
My world apart from you here
Ten feet away from block number 2
Yours
The corner I can't get pass
So I am stuck here
Taxis flood the streets
The distractions greaten
Can you get thru?
Are you trying to come home too?
In the middle
Can we meet there?
Amoungst the chaos
Amist the quarrels
We love more
We fight harder
Is the "We" me?
I want you so bad I have distorted reality
Let's walk
No running this time
We will make it better
Give me hope again
Then will the stares lessen?
Only known as the girl on the stoop
Head down
While pens bleed and tears stain
The paper
And I am on book number three
Before dinner
Take the pen away
Wipe the tears from my heart
Re-try
Take one last stroll
On
My block

The Breakthrough

Eagerly I anticipated this day and I was faced with it. I looked divinity in the eyes and smiled at him. So fearless and captivating....are you ready for it? I can't wait. I finally see truth in the dim and light in the unjust. I want to get to where it was. Can we go back there? Bliss with imperfections...I was alright there. I admit wrongs but how long do we suffer with it? Is this my test? Am I passing it? I need to know can you make it better than...it was....I need him to cure this. No matter how hard I try I can not fight this. I am weak and I am beating myself up for it. I want to be ok with this. The current, the present, this moment...it's because of the choice I made, and I relive it. Every minute of everyday, I long to take it back. Got to make it better for the next, but I am not really sure I want that. I have broken through...admitted my truths and see the right and wrong in them. Making new decisions considering them. Want another chance to mend them, but that is not always given. Can I steal it? That is how bad it is...my heart won't let me rest with this; so until I see an opportunity to fix it...I wait here...breaking pens to release it...And the more and more time you give me...The deeper it will get!

A Glass of Merlot and a Piece of Mind

As the long stem grips the cup that rests a top and secures the liquid that calms; I long for you...Why? Not sure, but my heart can not escape you; and no matter how bad I want to, I can not release you. Can not revert to the person I used to be. Can only be this woman that never relinquishes the hope of a future consumed with bliss, and you. You can not deny me either. Why allow me to linger after such torture? Maybe that is a bit extreme, but if I were you and I had no love or hope for anything...we would be non-existent. You would be a memory and I would try hard to loose it. And even in this instance, I crave every inch of you. Worlds apart but my soul longs to be in your presence and I desire to stand near you, stare in your eyes, kiss and caress you. Do you miss me? Do you miss us? I need you to. I need you to realize and accept this love as I do. It's inevitable... I got the glass but now I need my mind at ease. Only you can bring me the peace that can bring me to my knees...in awe of a happy ending. In love with the presence's contentment. And in this hour, I fear that I have yet to realize, that you are content in the not and I am frustrated with loosing. Am I not good enough to win? Not even merlot can bring peace to this end. So much for happy endings....

The Vertical Perspective

So I woke up this morning with God in mind. Same as every morning, but this time my perspective was misconstruded. I found that life, in my eyes, exemplifies plainess. I needed to add the adversity; for controversy sparks interest. So I thought for you. Took a right on my block and came back to you. For peace, through these words I breath through. These posts I create to tell you...my story. Are you listening? Can you see the view horizontally? If so, you need to step and take a second glance. Take a second trip...take the sidewalk chalk and write vertical so that it is in plain view. If written vertically you will see it moves; now up and down. Can you think that way? Can you open your mind to challenge habit? Can you relate to this eloquence? Let me speak to you....I am sure by now confusion is an understatement; but I bet you will remember the message. And as the light bulb clicks you will return. You will find reason in the madness and adapt to it. The Vertical Perspective...move through it.

My Next Move....

I am stuck here...thinking...thinking....thinking.......of my next move. Where to next? Almost twenty-five, fairly successful...could be better. Kind of feel like college was more of a past time and not a contributor to future endeavors. Ask myself where would I be had I skipped it? With this perseverance would I be a successful writer and published poet? Would I be the next Jill Scott? I take that back...Would I be a courageous vocalist? Where would I be? LOST, I would assume. I needed my four years to find me. Realize my passion. Acquire the courage to seek it. Acquire the love needed to fight for it. I needed to complete me by realizing who ME is. Do you know who you are? Are you trapped like so many...Stuck in between facade and reality...Fighting to decipher the difference between dreams and life horizontally. Allowing figments of your imagination to deceive you when truth is right in front of you. I can see it... Can you? Don't fight the reality, let it lead you. I am following it to my next move...