Change is...

I have learned in my lifetime but so much recently. As a human, an imperfect human, and as an adult I have discovered that change is hard to adapt to. Change is not only hard but it's even worse when your forced to change. Now don't misunderstand, I understand evolution and I appreciate change and growth as well but this post will discuss an individual adapting to change and the struggles associate with the power of change and his/her desire to control that.

I understand now the power of control. We seek control so that we can feel purposeful, valuable and to enhance our self worth. We seek power and control in some aspect of our lives or another's life to feel significant. But is control the type of power you really want?

To have control over self and all your individual situations speaks to power of choice. We always want to choose our own path. We want to direct our own journey. And there is nothing wrong with that growth pattern. But when you began to dictate the life and journey of others, the power of choice is now control. That control will make you out of control and hinders you from your own growth.

I'm just scratching the surface here. I can get a bit long winded but I want you all to think about that!

Life is...

Life is full of the inexplicable, the unknown and the uncertain.  In life we try our hardest to make sense of it all.  The point of living is loving, growing and learning all that there is to learn.  With that I say that my life has taken an unexpected turn and sometimes I want to fight the natural order.  Sometimes I want to be ahead of the plan.  But that is not always how it should be.

He said yesterday
And today
"I love you"
And I couldn't face the words
For they were not spoken from the heart of the man
For which I long
But it was aright
I mean
It was ok
I do accept that life
My life
Will not be the way that I anticipated
It will be greater
I'm open now to the possibility
No longer closed off to reality
I can see now
And my life
As I know it now
Will be different
And so it continues...

AudriWrites Community

So I am trying something new on my website and I have added a community forum.  I would love to have more in depth conversations about life, love and learning with you all.  I have my blog but this forum is a way to get more personal.  I share stories, you share stories and we help each other out.  So if you want to know more please visit my website www.audreyannawrites.com  and sign up for the AudriWrites Community.  Lets Live, Love and Learn together.

One Love,

Audreyanna

To go directly to the community forum please click here.

My Passion

Blank pages call to me

And I am what I read

I am what I see

I create the message

I give you me

Through words

And there is no technique for passion

And love that

You care to know

How

What

When

Where

And

Why

So

Take notes

Form opinions

And generate new ideas

That is the form of love

I wish to share

My passion

Living

Loving

Learning

You and I

Will be able to one day stand

Side by side

With no expectation for pain

Or unjust motives

Just limited space

Short distances

In between friends…

The Broken Hearted

I clasp my chest
Sharp pain didn't budge
And I
Fell back into the space
Where my heart was
And it
Frozen
No beat
No warmth
No love
And its color
A shade of purple
Its shape
Slightly tattered
Almost broken in two
No eyes
No faith
No hope
Unstable
And all I could see were memories of you
And love still longed to be
In the place where you reside
But the chance omitted by foolish pride
And one day
This  pain will find you
And I will be the only one
To save you
One broken heart
Mends another
Love cures torn lovers

The Hardest Thing I Had To Do...

I walked a way
Head up
Heart sunk
Into the pit of my stomach
And
Heartache was an understatement
But I was courageous
Walking away from a love that took no chances

You
Always wanted to play it safe
So you safely choose the alternative
Not me
And I see clearer now
The way you felt when I protected my heart
From your choices
Poor in my opinion
But learning love lessons
No better feeling

Now
Giving him
What I wanted to give to you
Taking back
All that was lost in you
Yet sometimes I feel
You were the best in love
And sometimes
It's still hard to let go of what was
Yet I have to know where true love lies
In the arms of the man who LONGS to be by my side
Not just here for the ride
Willing to accept a portion of my stride
My walk
You and I
Unaligned

I see the vertical perspective
I have horizontal references
And you perpendicular
To what life demands
Scared to accept all things not perfect
Bending over backward to make her SEEM
Worth it
But you can't force it
Love
And when it is meant it last a life time
But when it matures
It builds soul tides

Learning in love
Hurts
But it is the hardest thing I had to do
And now
IN LOVE
I loose the grasp of you
I take back the key
And close the portal to
Possibility with anyone
Like you...

At my own discretion...

I am trapped
head spinning
whirl wind
of confusion
but only at my discretion
do I
clear the clouds
Drained
Know right
but want to keep
Left
and behind I remain
Unwilling to see
directly in front of me
And you
Out of sight
But still in mind
and heart alike
Can't
Refuse
to rid myself of you
So
Trapped
I remain
at my own
Discretion

Sex & Emotions: Truth Speak Series

So in some fairly recent conversations I have discovered that most men feel that women do not have the capability to emotionally detach themselves from sex.  I can only speak for myself, but I can easily separate the difference from love and lust.  Now don't get me wrong, some women only have sex with men they have some sort of a connection with.  Most women are able to differ between having sex and developing an emotional connection via physical relations.  For me, I enjoy having sex with someone I have an emotional connection with, however that does not mean that after we have sex one time I am head over hills in love.  There are several factors that determine whether or not I would consider moving forward with that man.  Truth be told, sex can make or break a connection.  You could have a great intellectual and physical attraction to someone, but if the sex ends up being horrible, even if it begins with a great deal of passion, the situation will more than likely cease to exist.  I know that remains true for me anyway.

That does not go to say that passionate sex will not spark greater feelings and increase desire to look forward with that individual, but making assumptions and generalizations based on ideas of women and our emotional boundaries is wrong.  All women are NOT the same.  Just like all men are NOT the same.  Every man and women looks for certain things in a significant other, if he/she finds that that individual is covering all the bases, quite naturally you wish to continue developing a relationship with that individual.  Now of course we will not like everyone that likes us and visa versa, so that is why I feel that communication is the key.  Some men don't want to admit that they do not feel the same way so instead they lead that person on, or totally cut that person off leaving questions.  I personally prefer someone to be forward with me.  Because I will definitely be forward, completely honest, with the man I am seeing at that time.  On the flip side, some women are only looking for sex or are looking to connect with any man with hopes that he may be the one, others are looking for the honesty from a man and few are detached until they are sure the man they are seeing is completely interested in being in a relationship as well.  Regardless, I can only speak for myself, and I confidently say that this theory that men have regarding women's inability to detach emotions during sex, does not apply to me.  But I want to hear from you....

Father's Day! TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

So in essence of the holiday or shall I say day of recognition, I decided to just give you all some truth.  MY TRUTH.  So here goes...

I haven't talked to my father in over four years.  Not only that, in the years prior, to the last four of course, I tried my hardest to break all communication barriers and be the bridge between our divided family.  By divided I mean the separation between his relationship with all four (possibly five) of my father's children.  He has two from my mother and two from his current wife.  The fifth, well would actually be the first but I just recently found out about him and I can't really be too sure of his whereabouts, but I will say I have always wanted an older brother.  Turns out I have one that I don't know.  Well as far as I am aware anyway.

My Father wasn't always absent.  He used to be a very active parent, when I was a child.  It wasn't until we turned 18 that he dropped us and said "Good luck with the rest of your lives, I'm done!"  Of course that is my interpretation but it felt just like that actually.  I can still remember all the shopping sprees and video games, quality time, etc. with my Dad as a child.   It was lovely.  However now, I can only imagine what he is doing and how he has been.  Bothers me not actually but this is a time of year that I always seem to by pass without much thought.  Since I am doing the Truth Speak Series on my blog I figured I would just jot down my thoughts.

I am 27 going on 28 years old this year.  That means that it has literally been about 10 years since my father took the backseat in my life.  And I really shouldn't even say backseat because that is still pretty close.  I mean there is no communication what so ever.  It is crazy because I am sure he Googles me  and keeps up with my work and my websites, etc.  At this point in my life I find that his support, especially for such a very creative individual, is important.  Or should I say would be very important.

I am reflecting today on the years as a child I spent time with my father that were good.  I want to say Happy Father's Day to all of the men that have made an impact on my life, including my father.  Where ever he is at this point.  For what it's worth I don't hold grudges with any man on this earth.  I will never shy away from the truth.  My life is not perfect and it doesn't mean that it would be any better if he was present.  But I will say that his absence has made me a lot stronger than I could have ever imagined.  So for what it's worth, I will thank you for that.

INTERNET: FOR GOOD OR EVIL? TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

So this post is to provoke thought on the pros and cons of the world wide web.

Sure at this point we find ourselves very dependent on the internet and all of the information we are able to access.  I understand the right to free speech and all other civil liberties, but I often wonder how much better the world would be if it were void of technological advances.  Particularly the internet/world wide web.

We see it everyday many loosing there lives at the hands of those who wish to experiment with minds.  With those who wish to pass on evil thoughts and deeds.  Those who upload suicidal how-tos for ready access to children.  And those who take pleasure in manipulation.  Utilizing the world wide web to feast on the vulnerable and naive.  It really sickens me just thinking of this.  I don't want to focus too much on the negative impacts alone, because there are some very great things available.  The internet is more so of a convenience.  It provides us with the ability to access information quickly.  There is a wealth of information.   There is so much you can access.  So much in fact that most should not be available or accessible to children/youth under the age of 21.  So how do we censor?  My thought is that we must get parents that understand that the internet, although very useful, can in turn be very dangerous in the wrong hands.

Everyone has a certain peek of maturity.  Our parents would know that best.  Parents know what their children can or can not handle.  Parents know what information their children should or should not be exposed to a certain period in their lives.  Yet even with this knowledge we find that most parents are totally oblivious to the boundlessness of the internet.  Because most parents are clueless and fail to educate themselves on the extremities of the internet, we fail at establishing boundaries and monitoring access.   Instead we allow the internet to raise our children.  We allow the internet to be the go to person  for clarification on all aspects and for education of moral and social norms.

I will say for me, I developed a sense of moral from church.  I understood right and wrong and everything I learned in vacation bible study, the youth church camp, praise dance rehearsal and choir rehearsals framed my ability to make wise decisions.  Not to mention I had a mother who honestly cared.  I never felt that I could get anything by her.  She was always aware and even though it was annoying when I was a child it is much appreciated now.  And even though the internet was not as prominent during my adolescent, it was very prominent my teenage years and it was not nearly as advanced as it is now.  I will say that computers were primarily for the use of education, home work and research tools.  Though the internet serves as a vast research tool it also supports and caters to individual needs.  Everything is about customization.  What do you want?  What do you feel?  How do you want this to look? What would it be if I represented you?  And we tailor our websites, social networking pages and blogs to do just that.  While there is nothing wrong with individualism, it does lend to allowing our children to see/be exposed to many different practices that may not be like our own.  This, in my opinion fuels rebellion.  Now that your child knows what it is like in Johnny's home, he/she wants it to be the same way in his or her home.  And that initiates a cycle of rebellious acts.  Children then began to learn and be exposed to things you either did not want them to see at that age or things you did not believe they were mature enough to handle.  Because your child has deemed you as incapable of understanding how, when,  what, where and why your child developed these notions, there is a communication barrier established.  What child wants to talk to someone they feel "doesn't understand" them?  This of course, this feeling of being "misunderstood" contributes to shutting down. Your children/youth, I can very well use the two interchangeably, feels that he/she is now the only one that understands.  So they seek other individuals that share the same thoughts and feelings.  Then you allow your child to be vulnerable to others ideals.

What we should think about is how to keep this from occurring?  Once this has occurred is there a way to get the child's/youth's mind back?

I could obviously continue to talk on this topic forever but I really want to know what you all think.  Please do share you thoughts.  Do you agree?  What is your take on the internet?  Is it for Good or Evil?

I want to hear from you!