#iCantbreathe

So I typically refrain from posting literary reactions to certain situations until I am properly informed.  While I appreciate the immediate emotional reaction of the country to recent current events, as an African American women, who may one day be a mother of an African American male, it frightens me to know that some of us are only down for the cause for now...And the rest of us will never be down for the cause unless it hits us right in the face.  So what do you do?  And that is the question that has been baffling me for days.  Solution unknown...

I have great pain in my heart and tears pour from my spirit for the individuals who have lost and will continue to lose loved ones to senseless acts and abuse of power.  The pain of loss in the families of Eric Garner, Mike Brown, Trayvon Martin and a host of others not televised is something they will have to endure for a lifetime.  And for them, and potentially for me #icantbreathe.  I ask God to order my steps and give me insight to how I should assist in any way with developing a solution for a remedy for the misconception and misunderstanding of the message, and while it is true there is no peace where there is injustice, the flaws of the legal system are at the fault of the nation for not taking the freedom to vote and educate ourselves seriously.  We are the change that we seek, but we have to be about the change more than just in death situations.  We have to want to build the foundation for justice in our individual goals and dreams.  Too often we get a glimpse of one side of what life is like in the eyes of the celebrities we deem "iconic" and exhaust ourselves modeling our efforts on trying to be at the top and look down.  Inferiority is a state we impose on ourselves.  Inferiority is a state that we have control of eliminating.

I can't breathe
For the lives loss to injustice
For the peril sustained

No peace 

Yet we seek

Uniformity

Protest

When progress 

Is held in the actions of us

The fight for communal growth

Prosperity
We are the key 

We 

Us

You

Me 

And until we understand 

Our actions effect everyone

Or someone 

At given points in time 

We won't 

Get the message 

So for you 

For them 

And for me 

I can't breathe 

Until consciousness dwells

In the hearts and minds 

Of the individuals injustice finds 

And the goal 

Is universal 

People 

Who recognize the power 

To change

Encourages 

Justice

For us 

One day

Euphony

Probably hard for me to put it in words....

Euphony
What I hear in absolute silence
Innocent laughs
Free smiles
Harmony
The wind blowing through the trees
Utopia

History Pt.1 -Racism & the "Right Now"

I spent my early years trying to find my purpose as most.  I wanted to know what my place was on this earth.  I wanted to determine how I would impact the individuals I came in contract with.  I wanted to know how I could make the world better.  As a child my world view was distorted.  My perception of life was what was provided to me via cultural norms, history lessons and the state of the current economy.  And although as a student I had no interest in history, that never meant I didn't pay attention to it.  How I wanted to view the world never depended on what was, for me it was always about what is and what will be.  I hoped to impact what will be.

As an adult I shifted my view, not only was my perception formed by my cultural norms, religious beliefs, moral, values, etc., but my perception of the world is too heavily impacted by how others see it.  Because I believe in order for me to impact change appropriately I have to understand how and why the world is viewed as it is.  After spending sometime in another country I came to find that the world is as great or as miserable as we see it.  While living overseas I spent time in a country which is not as  "racially specific/classified" as the US.  The first thing I appreciated was that I was labeled an American, not African-American.  For as long as I can remember I was born in America, with decent of African heritage but so far removed (well over 6 generations) that I saw myself as more of an American than anything.  Now that is not to say that I did not want to learn about or disown my roots, that is not what I am saying at all, but I am an American right?  I always questioned why classification had to be further specified in the US. I found that in the US we subcategorize ourselves until we cannot anymore.  Whether race, socioeconomic class, religion etc.  While I understand the statistical need for this, I do believe that this further perpetuates the idea of racism.

As a child I learned of racism, as an African American youth I watched Roots (and other movies amongst reading and researching the history of slavery and injustice), and I understood the severity of how it was to live during that time.  I admire my ancestors and predecessors for their courage and strength during those times.  As difficult as it was to exist in those times, I like to think (as an adult), that I would not allow all of those instances to taint my view of the world as I know it today.  Never to forget how far the world or African-American people have come as a whole, but to view the world for its progress and to hope to impact more positive change.  I saw it possible when I lived overseas.  People loving one another and coexisting as one race.  Not only had I never experienced it, but before I had experienced it I never considered it could be possible.

What is most prevalent now is how we see the world and what we want to make of it.  I believe we are right now people (generally speaking).  We are people who act on, fight for, get emotionally involved in issues of "right now".  What do I consider a "right now" cause?  Well when I speak of a "right now" cause I am referring to those issues, occurrences and/or ideals that have been publicized to evoke a mass emotional response.  The media provides every source of current events and news in the world.  Yet we somehow do not see the contradiction.  The media informs the people of the news, but unless you are conscious of the manipulative nature of the press/news you may not consider the idea that the news shapes your perception/or view of said news.  The media plays on the response of the people watching it (to provoke an emotional response), to yield to more ratings to signify "news worthy" press.  Before the cause was presented via media outlets, did you know what was happening?  Did it concern you what injustice was occurring around the world?  Odds are you had no idea, because it was something that did not interrupt your everyday routine or impact you personally.  But now that you know you feel emotionally empowered to provoke change.  But what happens when it is no longer newsworthy?  We forget and go on to the next "right now" cause.  Its a never ending cycle.

Unfortunately we are not proactive people.  We address things as they are presented to us.  We do not go out and make the difference we want to seek because before it became newsworthy it was not an issue for us.  We assume everything is ok until we believe there is "proof" that it is not.  Or we assume the absolute worst, until there is proof it is not.  I despise the bandwagon causes.  But hey we are in a very free country.  A country we fail to understand how to live in.  A country we fail to exist in peacefully.  While I do believe that injustice and racism is prevalent today, I too believe that how we view the world contributes to the extent of how we view injustice and/or racism.

In efforts to not make this post one million words, I will take a pause and come back to this topic.  I will discuss the views of African Americans and other world leaders whose causes were to fight for justice for all, regardless to race, creed, color, religion, etc.  I can only hope that one day their ideals will be actualized and not just misinterpreted and/or misused to support "right now" causes.  

Media Perception

As a woman, of Indian and African American decent, I am appalled at how easily we (women) all the media to dictate our perception of ourselves.  Not only will we allow status and superficial goals to drive our morality, it is sad that we allow the media to contribute to insecurity.  It prompts me to question how lost are we?  As women of God or as a women in general no matter what race, color or religion, we have allowed man-made ideals to validate our self-worth.  Why?  Easy for me to answer because we can't possibly love ourselves.  We can't possibly know ourselves if we so easily change our perception of ourselves to fit the masses.  Our drive has shifted, our moral and values lost in the ideals presented to us through the media.  We mimic what we are not to validate us.  It is so sad that we are lost.  We need to regain control of our minds.  I wrote a poem about beauty and the perception of beauty and what we should see when we are "Naked".  I have posted the revisited poem below:

NAKED

As your bare
witnessing nude
Naked
you
not nude lips
cheeks and eyes
no make-up can hid
the truth in your eyes
void of mascara
shimmer and shine
your face speaks
the story of blemishes, moles and black eyes
you can no longer hide
Naked
not nude
what thoughts flow through your mind?
what phrases find
The tip of your lips
as voice seeps
You try to keep your insecurities hidden
want to say positive things
But your criticism speaks
of how you hate
firm thighs
love made handles
and breast of any size
you fight back the desire to cry
depressed at how
marks stretched long and wide
share your story
the one you didn't want to tell
cellulite bears the pain
of memories held
and you continue to find the negative in the
frame
that has been with you in this walk of life
You cry
because for the first time you see
yourself
naked...
beauty
in the eyes of the beholder as our predecessors say
should be the driving force behind your desire to be great
morality defines value
and virtue
of a woman God ordained to carry life
and we are the immediate reflection of our past
we are the model for our future
yet man made perceptions taint
what we know as beautiful
so in the absence of the man who does not see
you
the woman of grace
with lack of fear in her eyes
the woman of strength
with lack of jealousy in her heart
the woman of life
with lack of hatred in her spirit
I say to you my sister
my daughter
my mother
and friend
I love you
and we are virtuous women
lover and barer of life
seekers of peace
and conscious minds
in active pursuit to be what God has defined as
femininity

UNIT-Y

For some reason
We identify more with UNIT
Than UNIT-Y
We are making exceptions for goals
To be seen
When the UNIT is to support
Selfish ideology
But
We need
UNIT-Y

Missing the message
Allowing the idea of perfection
To provide misdirection
Where are you headed?

As a UNIT
You seek
Yet do not find
Because ignorance defines
Said goal
To be clueless
To lack understanding
Of the notion of mass control
You allow yourself to be manipulated
As a UNIT
In the absence of UNIT-Y

No hope for the future
We are not where we should be
Fighting one another for the same dream
Same goal
Geed feen
Money
Power
Yields
Chaos
Monstrosity
I hope you see
The UNIT supports
Selfish ideology
But
We
Are in desperate need
Of
UNIT-Y

Jealousy

So how can you be jealous of someone who has something you already had?   There is absolutely no way you should be mad at someone you have already been with because he or she is not with you or didn't do what you thought they would.  We all make choices in love.  Your choices may have spearheaded their choices so you can't place fault 100% on one individual.  That is when you should ask yourself a few questions...If you are going out of your way to make someone feel jealous or to prove that your situation is better without that individual, how much better is it?  Why would you put energy into making something look better than what it is?  Seems like you are trying to fool yourself.  

I know we have all been there.  I believe we have all been in a place where we have wanted someone and for whatever reasons you could not make out why it didn't work, but instead of closing that chapter of your life properly you chose to trump up your current situation to make that individual jealous.  As many love and life lessons I had to learn to finally get this I understand now that to fool yourself is foolish.  We know the true desires of our hearts so instead of making something seem better actually make it better.  Exhale!  Breathe out the past and welcome the new.  Don't try to move on faster than your heart will allow.  You don't want to deal with that regret.  

I vowed to myself to always put myself first moving forward and not let my emotions cloud my rational thought.  And I will be perfectly honest with you, doing this has not always yield results that I wanted.  And that hurts to know that my decision didn't align with my heart but it does align with what I know I deserve and what I know to be right.  Too many people are nieve.  We are intuitive creators for a reason.  When your intuition speaks to you I encourage you to listen!  Because sometimes our patience is tested to make sure that we learn the lessons in love to be the lover that we long to be.  You won't know that if your just in a rush to be a lover.  Love is far beyond the idea society dreamt up.  We have to be patient and willing to learn and grow before we can appreciate true love.  If that means 50 years old for me that means I will wait patiently.  Because I can't love anything less than wholeheartedly.  And when you love, when you truly love there is no jealousy. 

Mister

I wrote it for him, but I don't think I ever finished it, but I want to share it with you.  Enjoy!
Mister

The water to my waves
The sun to the rays
Air to the breeze
We need to
Bring peace to chaos
And I am the fire
You extinguish to
Keep green benevolent
The cycle is prevelent
Like air
We need it to sustain

The "L" in love
That is neccessary for comprehension
The lock to the door so that its use is prominent
I support you
Like the stem on the glass
Without you
I have no structure
You are succulent

You are the mister
From whince my last name derives
The apple of my eye
The love I want
By my side

Like leaves to the fall
You are the point of it all
Without one another
We compliment nothing
Our existence is useless

You
The mister
That has my heart
Dancing with the stars
People walking on mars
Its greater than
Me and you surpass the bull shit
And
Quite frankly
I need you

The Third Star To The Left

Like this star
Always shines
I long for you
In the same space

You are better than
And we are great
We want more
Yet
Hesitation emerges
We have yet to embrace
The pleasures
Unsuccessful attempts we make
Not capable of redirecting fate
It doesn't live there
With they
His touch remains
As she stains
Your present

Why not?
Can we make it?
Let's just make it
Happen

I apologize in advance
For breaking the plan
I apologize in advance
For appreciating the man
She doesn't know how to love
I willingly accept the role
I crave your trust

I
The fork in the road
That steered you free
The sign that said "Love me"
Don't you think
That's what your soul meant
When it cried to me
I think subconsciously
You may not be ready
Something this real is usually so far fetched
But here
In this moment
It is meant

You delight in it
We
I
The essence of your peace
You long for it
You long for me

Let's meet
Under the third star to the Left
So we can take
Seven steps
Into destiny


I wrote it for him....the verse to my favorite tune. The bridge the lessens the gap between my world. He makes it make sense. He makes me believe that love is still innocent. I always recognized it. But when maturity is at is lowest you have to learn to redirect focus, until you can appreciate it. The view on life and love now more profound that you know what to seek. I know my true peace lies in the hand of he...

Hopefully he responds....

(fingers and toes crossed... ;0)