Hood Love... TRUTH SPEAK SERIES

A little short story to help illustrate the idea behind this post's message.

He stood out on the corner from 4 pm until 6 am everyday.  He attended to his block.  He made sure no one interrupted his business.  He was the man for 14 hours.  The hood feared him for 14 hours.  His feens worshipped him for 14 hours.  His competitors hated him for 14 hours.  He stood on guard for 14 hours.  Minding his business but watching his back, alone.  Had more than he needed, but greed fed his determination.  So day in and day out, he found what he thought was love in a hopeless place.  He found levels to life in a new space.  He lost himself a little bit every day.  Because he didn't know what he was searching for in the first place... 

by: AudriWrites

*****

Hood love is what it implies, love obtained from the hood.  Love itself is such a powerful emotion that it builds bonds that can withstand a lifetime.  Bonds like no other.  When you grow up disadvantaged or lacking love, you tend to flock to whatever makes you feel like it loves you in return.  Even when you don't even know what "love" is.  Without knowledge of what "love is" it is easily misinterpreted and misappropriated.

Men, women and children who live and die for or in the streets of his/her hood, do so because that is the only place they ever felt what they perceived to be love.  But what type of love is it that they think they've gained?  When your naive you think that your "brothers" and "sisters" who understand what you lack, know how to love you.  How could they possibly know how to love you, when they have never been loved and/or don't understand what love is?  One must be able to understand it, in order to recognize it.  If you truly understood what love was, you would know that "hood love" is selfish love.  Hood love looks out for your best interest, only when your best interest coincides with it's own.    So who is really looking out for you?

Love, I have defined several times, but, in short it is an unconditional gesture of faith, adoration, honesty and humility that brings peace.  Anything that requires you to be unsettled (continuously on guard), unsafe or idolized possesses no love.  Love doesn't allow you to play on the weak for personal gain.  If you loved your hood, you wouldn't contribute to its demise.  If you loved your hood you would not place the crack, in the mouths of the people who you "love" or who "love" you.  You wouldn't stifle your community.  If you knew what love was you would not allow yourself to turn the other cheek or to be so gullible.  So blinded by the what's right in front of you.  You wouldn't ignore your moral compass and you would do "right" and seek to understand love.

So, now that you understand that "hood love" is a term that is conveniently used to describe individuals who have lost their way.  Individuals who do not claim ownership of their contribution in the demise of their people.  And individuals who seek personal gain at all costs.   You know now that the hood never loved you.  That is an irrational thought implanted by more of those who misunderstand, misinterpret and misappropriate love.   So, I encourage you to be the change.  Stand for the community.  Learn to love the way love was meant to be, unselfishly.

#MotiVatioNWeDnesdaY

(Originally posted 7/25/12 on Poetically Speaking)

So I wanted give some motivation today.  My motivation comes in the form of rational thinking and tough love.  So I have a few questions...

When you woke up this morning how did you feel?

What did you expect from your day?

What is the situation you need motivation out of?

What do you need motivation to do?

Why are you not motivated?

If you have answered one or more of these questions, I would like to suggest that you change your outlook.  Don't look for motivation, instead focus on the need.  Not sure what I mean...well take these examples.  Think about how you feel versus how you need to feel.  What you expect versus what you need to expect.  Where you are versus where you need to be, etc.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up in the lack of motivation versus what we need.  You will find that focusing on the need will channel your motivation.  It will eliminate the questions.  Some people think of what they need to do and think they need motivation when they need to simply understand the NEED for what they are doing.  That need serves as the purpose/reason.  The need serves as the motivating factor.

Motivation by definition is the act or an instance of motivating,  or providing with a reason to act in a certain way  (2) the state or condition of being motivated   (3) something that motivates;  inducement; incentive (dictionary.com).  

With that being said we should stop allowing people and things to motivate things that we may not need.  Only you know what you need.  You know where you want to be and what your expectations are.   Stop being lazy and codependent and think about you needs.  I don't understand how so many people want to put off their current state on someone else.  Never taking the fault for why they are in the positions their in.  It is understandable that we do not have control over all circumstances, but we do have the capability to make choices.  Our choices contribute to the circumstances as well.  So instead of sulking or being lazy trying to place blame, take responsibility for your choices.  If you aren't where you want to be you need to make new decisions.  What do you need to do to get to where you want to be?  Allow that to be your motivation.  Let me know what happens!  

One Love,

Audreyanna

Beauty Overrated...

"I think beauty's overrated.  Cause that's something anyone can be. Attraction, now thats something different..." - R Glasper Project

I heard this phrase in the song and immediately it spoke to me.  I got it.  I understood the difference between beauty and attraction.  I knew what attraction felt like.  I know its hard to articulate differences between things that you experienced emotionally, that you know to be all to real to you.  Your truly at a loss of words.  I am in that space here.  I want to share with you what this means and how it feels, but there currently is no best way for me to get you to comprehend the difference if you had not experienced it already.  But, I will try my best.

I've been fortunate to be both beautiful and attractive to a few men, and I promise you there is a difference between superficial and real love.  Beauty and attraction symbolize that to me.  Beauty is on the surface, but attraction to another individual is based off organic chemistry that goes past a pretty/handsome face.  You can't manufacture that...its natural.

When we focus more on what people look like, we neglect our ability to become more attractive.  We don't allow ourselves to open up, and we remain stuck in the space that is not of equal distance between the mind and the heart.  An equal space between the mind and heart suggest that we are capable of making decisions with equitable amounts of emotional and rational consideration.  If you are stuck totally in your mind in a relationship, thinking only of what he/she looks like, what kind of car he/she drives, what he/she will become, etc., we don't allow ourselves the ability to grow with one another.  We don't allow ourselves to become attractive to one another.  We keep our minds focused so much on the superficial, that we neglect the ability to establish any true connection.  We lose our ability to be rational.  We are "stuck on stupid" as the colloquialism expresses.  Similarly if we are stuck in the heart, we are too emotional and make decisions based solely on how something feels.  This is considered irrational as well.

For me personally, in essence, when someone generally appreciates you, and looks to spend any ounce of free time exploring every part of you, in order to learn more about you, THATS ATTRACTION.  When the depths of your conversations take you places you have never been or explored in your life, THATS ATTRACTION.  When they can look at you at your weakest or most physically attractive point and still see beauty in you, THATS ATTRACTION.  Its deep but that's when you know someone really SEES you for who you are.

Media Perception

As a woman, of Indian and African American decent, I am appalled at how easily we (women) all the media to dictate our perception of ourselves.  Not only will we allow status and superficial goals to drive our morality, it is sad that we allow the media to contribute to insecurity.  It prompts me to question how lost are we?  As women of God or as a women in general no matter what race, color or religion, we have allowed man-made ideals to validate our self-worth.  Why?  Easy for me to answer because we can't possibly love ourselves.  We can't possibly know ourselves if we so easily change our perception of ourselves to fit the masses.  Our drive has shifted, our moral and values lost in the ideals presented to us through the media.  We mimic what we are not to validate us.  It is so sad that we are lost.  We need to regain control of our minds.  I wrote a poem about beauty and the perception of beauty and what we should see when we are "Naked".  I have posted the revisited poem below:

NAKED

As your bare
witnessing nude
Naked
you
not nude lips
cheeks and eyes
no make-up can hid
the truth in your eyes
void of mascara
shimmer and shine
your face speaks
the story of blemishes, moles and black eyes
you can no longer hide
Naked
not nude
what thoughts flow through your mind?
what phrases find
The tip of your lips
as voice seeps
You try to keep your insecurities hidden
want to say positive things
But your criticism speaks
of how you hate
firm thighs
love made handles
and breast of any size
you fight back the desire to cry
depressed at how
marks stretched long and wide
share your story
the one you didn't want to tell
cellulite bears the pain
of memories held
and you continue to find the negative in the
frame
that has been with you in this walk of life
You cry
because for the first time you see
yourself
naked...
beauty
in the eyes of the beholder as our predecessors say
should be the driving force behind your desire to be great
morality defines value
and virtue
of a woman God ordained to carry life
and we are the immediate reflection of our past
we are the model for our future
yet man made perceptions taint
what we know as beautiful
so in the absence of the man who does not see
you
the woman of grace
with lack of fear in her eyes
the woman of strength
with lack of jealousy in her heart
the woman of life
with lack of hatred in her spirit
I say to you my sister
my daughter
my mother
and friend
I love you
and we are virtuous women
lover and barer of life
seekers of peace
and conscious minds
in active pursuit to be what God has defined as
femininity

Jealousy

So how can you be jealous of someone who has something you already had?   There is absolutely no way you should be mad at someone you have already been with because he or she is not with you or didn't do what you thought they would.  We all make choices in love.  Your choices may have spearheaded their choices so you can't place fault 100% on one individual.  That is when you should ask yourself a few questions...If you are going out of your way to make someone feel jealous or to prove that your situation is better without that individual, how much better is it?  Why would you put energy into making something look better than what it is?  Seems like you are trying to fool yourself.  

I know we have all been there.  I believe we have all been in a place where we have wanted someone and for whatever reasons you could not make out why it didn't work, but instead of closing that chapter of your life properly you chose to trump up your current situation to make that individual jealous.  As many love and life lessons I had to learn to finally get this I understand now that to fool yourself is foolish.  We know the true desires of our hearts so instead of making something seem better actually make it better.  Exhale!  Breathe out the past and welcome the new.  Don't try to move on faster than your heart will allow.  You don't want to deal with that regret.  

I vowed to myself to always put myself first moving forward and not let my emotions cloud my rational thought.  And I will be perfectly honest with you, doing this has not always yield results that I wanted.  And that hurts to know that my decision didn't align with my heart but it does align with what I know I deserve and what I know to be right.  Too many people are nieve.  We are intuitive creators for a reason.  When your intuition speaks to you I encourage you to listen!  Because sometimes our patience is tested to make sure that we learn the lessons in love to be the lover that we long to be.  You won't know that if your just in a rush to be a lover.  Love is far beyond the idea society dreamt up.  We have to be patient and willing to learn and grow before we can appreciate true love.  If that means 50 years old for me that means I will wait patiently.  Because I can't love anything less than wholeheartedly.  And when you love, when you truly love there is no jealousy. 

Love Lessons...

As most of you may know I have successfully completed and published my first fiction novel Southern Belles and now I am working on my other baby, The Love Trials.  The Love Trials is a literary work that I have yet to officially classify, but The Love Trials talks about the different lessons in love that I feel that we must experience in order to truly understand the idea of love and being in love so that we can truly identify the mate for our soul (soul mate) and love unselfishly through a healthy love.

As I writing this post came to mind because for many years I thought that I found my soul mate.  Even when I started writing this book, which initiated as a blog post, I just thought I knew which one of my previous relationships identified with each love lesson.  But now that I am in another relationship, after some time, I am starting to realize that I was all wrong.   Because I wish not to make anyone who is reading this post uncomfortable, or since I wish not for individuals to try and decipher who I am speaking about I will speak in broad terms.  But now I realized that my perception of the first love and my heart breaker and test were incorrect.  So far I have determined that I have confused the Heart Breaker and The Test.  My test was yet to be experienced.  My heart breaker brought on heart ache larger than I could ever express through words.  Not much to my surprise either.  I always knew they were a lesson and I don't mind that I was wrong in my initial assessment.  But as I have realized the error in my ways I can move forward in life and anticipate love with new eyes.  

With that being said I, in my work, will continue to express my feelings on love and each lesson, and the impact that my own love lessons had on my life.  I look forward to the soul mate.  One thing that I knew then that still remains true today is that in love, one individual can encompasses each lesson of love, or they can be evenly distributed with a different love for each lesson; but either way, I believe with all sincerity that each love must be encountered before you truly love unselfishly through a healthy love.  That is the ultimate objective.

Sex & Emotions: Truth Speak Series

So in some fairly recent conversations I have discovered that most men feel that women do not have the capability to emotionally detach themselves from sex.  I can only speak for myself, but I can easily separate the difference from love and lust.  Now don't get me wrong, some women only have sex with men they have some sort of a connection with.  Most women are able to differ between having sex and developing an emotional connection via physical relations.  For me, I enjoy having sex with someone I have an emotional connection with, however that does not mean that after we have sex one time I am head over hills in love.  There are several factors that determine whether or not I would consider moving forward with that man.  Truth be told, sex can make or break a connection.  You could have a great intellectual and physical attraction to someone, but if the sex ends up being horrible, even if it begins with a great deal of passion, the situation will more than likely cease to exist.  I know that remains true for me anyway.

That does not go to say that passionate sex will not spark greater feelings and increase desire to look forward with that individual, but making assumptions and generalizations based on ideas of women and our emotional boundaries is wrong.  All women are NOT the same.  Just like all men are NOT the same.  Every man and women looks for certain things in a significant other, if he/she finds that that individual is covering all the bases, quite naturally you wish to continue developing a relationship with that individual.  Now of course we will not like everyone that likes us and visa versa, so that is why I feel that communication is the key.  Some men don't want to admit that they do not feel the same way so instead they lead that person on, or totally cut that person off leaving questions.  I personally prefer someone to be forward with me.  Because I will definitely be forward, completely honest, with the man I am seeing at that time.  On the flip side, some women are only looking for sex or are looking to connect with any man with hopes that he may be the one, others are looking for the honesty from a man and few are detached until they are sure the man they are seeing is completely interested in being in a relationship as well.  Regardless, I can only speak for myself, and I confidently say that this theory that men have regarding women's inability to detach emotions during sex, does not apply to me.  But I want to hear from you....

Mister

I wrote it for him, but I don't think I ever finished it, but I want to share it with you.  Enjoy!
Mister

The water to my waves
The sun to the rays
Air to the breeze
We need to
Bring peace to chaos
And I am the fire
You extinguish to
Keep green benevolent
The cycle is prevelent
Like air
We need it to sustain

The "L" in love
That is neccessary for comprehension
The lock to the door so that its use is prominent
I support you
Like the stem on the glass
Without you
I have no structure
You are succulent

You are the mister
From whince my last name derives
The apple of my eye
The love I want
By my side

Like leaves to the fall
You are the point of it all
Without one another
We compliment nothing
Our existence is useless

You
The mister
That has my heart
Dancing with the stars
People walking on mars
Its greater than
Me and you surpass the bull shit
And
Quite frankly
I need you