The Miseducation of America

Million dollar question:  Why is it that most schools are ranking students abilities by assessment tests that are composed with one particular ideal student (for a particular grade) in mind, when children in schools learn on different levels?  I find it incredibly odd that the same schools that I once learned in, are now not so focused on the education of its students, but more so the student's ability to test.

I remember when I was a student (and this was as early as Kindergarten for me) that I was identified as a "Gifted and Talented" student (not sure what they are calling it now a days).  Because teachers were able to identify me as a student, who was quite frankly learning at a faster level than most students, they were similarly able to identify students learning a level below average.  At that time teachers had children learning at three different levels.  I remember as a child that I had taken two tests, one the same as the test all students took, and another to identify the scholastic aptitude of students learning at a higher level.  It seemed fair in my opinion.  Although I did meet and exceed the expectations of learning, I did not feel that my education was stifled nor was that of any of my classmates.  I say that because teachers then managed to teach students on varying levels and help them achieve or exceed the scholastic goal of the school they attended.

Fast forward to present day...I believe (and based on first hand testimonies from educators I know) that schools are currently teaching students a test and it has no true educational value.  I believe this to be true because one of the first things I learned in my Masters of Psychology program is that there is a great difference between memorization and learning.  Learning is the ability to take information and regurgitate it in a way that is applicable to his/her own life, or make it relatable; that which signifies understanding.  Memorizing is simply that, relying on the function of one's memory to recall information...not actually learning the information.  Unfortunately we are forcing our children to memorize instead of learn.

Something else to note is the lack of parent involvement in his/her child's education, and the teachers lack of passion for teaching.  There are several reasons I could provide that would explain the lack of moral amongst teachers, but quite frankly not too much I can say regarding lack of parent involvement in his/her child's educational success.   The more you see things like this happening, the more you wish we stopped arguing about women's right to choose (regarding abortion).  Totally different subject for another time, but I say that to get you to think about how important it is for a parent to desire and love his/her child.  And most of our children in schools lack that love.  Our students are mistreated, not loved and miseducated.  And the more I live, the more I see their education is not being valued.

There once was a point at which educaction was your resume, now I understand why employers are seeking more "hands on experience" to signify learning.  The amount of technology consumed by the current generation far outweighs the number of library cards or physical research encountered at any level prior to a collegiate level.  Middle & high school instructors are allowing students to research on computers before teaching them to research in a library, like it once was.  The library is now a "backup" or a go to for those students who do not have the capacity to access the internet.

Unfortunately I could be on this soap box for months, but I will leave you with this...the perception of education has ultimately been reduced.   Consider where education stood and what education has evolved to...Until it is valued in the eyes of the STATE, we will remain, and the future of our children's education will ultimately be in our hands.

#MotiVatioNWeDnesdaY

(Originally posted 7/25/12 on Poetically Speaking)

So I wanted give some motivation today.  My motivation comes in the form of rational thinking and tough love.  So I have a few questions...

When you woke up this morning how did you feel?

What did you expect from your day?

What is the situation you need motivation out of?

What do you need motivation to do?

Why are you not motivated?

If you have answered one or more of these questions, I would like to suggest that you change your outlook.  Don't look for motivation, instead focus on the need.  Not sure what I mean...well take these examples.  Think about how you feel versus how you need to feel.  What you expect versus what you need to expect.  Where you are versus where you need to be, etc.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up in the lack of motivation versus what we need.  You will find that focusing on the need will channel your motivation.  It will eliminate the questions.  Some people think of what they need to do and think they need motivation when they need to simply understand the NEED for what they are doing.  That need serves as the purpose/reason.  The need serves as the motivating factor.

Motivation by definition is the act or an instance of motivating,  or providing with a reason to act in a certain way  (2) the state or condition of being motivated   (3) something that motivates;  inducement; incentive (dictionary.com).  

With that being said we should stop allowing people and things to motivate things that we may not need.  Only you know what you need.  You know where you want to be and what your expectations are.   Stop being lazy and codependent and think about you needs.  I don't understand how so many people want to put off their current state on someone else.  Never taking the fault for why they are in the positions their in.  It is understandable that we do not have control over all circumstances, but we do have the capability to make choices.  Our choices contribute to the circumstances as well.  So instead of sulking or being lazy trying to place blame, take responsibility for your choices.  If you aren't where you want to be you need to make new decisions.  What do you need to do to get to where you want to be?  Allow that to be your motivation.  Let me know what happens!  

One Love,

Audreyanna

Cut Off (Revisited 11/11/15)

(Originally Posted 4/6/15 on Poetically Speaking)

Sometimes we have to be careful of what we ask for.  In life, respect is a concept so often misused/misunderstood.  You should not demand respect from individuals you show no respect to.  This negatively impacts the natural order of things.  Respect is given and received.  Notice that "to give" comes before receiving.  I try very hard to show respect in spite of adversity.  No matter how stubborn, childish and immature someone was.  The desire to continue  to show respect to those who may not understand that quality, was fueled by love, nothing more or less.  Love is patient and kind, all those I exhibit, especially when it was not easy for me to do so.   Now, I have found a solution for those individuals who take my love and respect for granted.  I have given enough without being heard and respected.  My solution: Edit your life!   Cut those people who mean you no good off.  That doesn't mean be angry, sad or feel any type of pain from the loss, it just means you are wise enough to know what you deserve.  Be wise enough to make the decision to eliminate the factor that will do you harm.

As children one of the things we wanted most was to be an adult.  We craved the responsibility and the freedom, but we did not know the extent of the responsibility one receives with that freedom.  Now as an adult we see that sometimes it is too much to manage.  Too many choices and not enough right answers.  How do we ensure that we are making the right decisions? We have no affirmation most of the time.  We base what we know to be right and wrong on cultural standards and religious precedents.  We do what we feel is right.  Often times leaning on the notion "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  But are you really?  Are you treating people with respect and doing all those things that you would want someone to do to you?  That is the question of which adults responses are most often contradictory.

What is certain is that in this life I want to make sure to experience and acquire every ounce of love, happiness and valuable lessons I can.  With that comes dealing with people who lack understanding of your purpose.  You come into contact with people whose ideals do not align with your goals and we have to make decisions to separate ourselves from those people.  Love from a distance.  Cut them off if you will.  But not with any ill intention or negative emotion.  I find that I try my best to establish an emotional balance before I take such measures.  What I have recently discovered is that no matter how good or positive your intentions are, if the other person is not willing to see "the good" it will not be seen.  What I am trying to figure out now is how to deal with that reality...

Beauty Overrated...

"I think beauty's overrated.  Cause that's something anyone can be. Attraction, now thats something different..." - R Glasper Project

I heard this phrase in the song and immediately it spoke to me.  I got it.  I understood the difference between beauty and attraction.  I knew what attraction felt like.  I know its hard to articulate differences between things that you experienced emotionally, that you know to be all to real to you.  Your truly at a loss of words.  I am in that space here.  I want to share with you what this means and how it feels, but there currently is no best way for me to get you to comprehend the difference if you had not experienced it already.  But, I will try my best.

I've been fortunate to be both beautiful and attractive to a few men, and I promise you there is a difference between superficial and real love.  Beauty and attraction symbolize that to me.  Beauty is on the surface, but attraction to another individual is based off organic chemistry that goes past a pretty/handsome face.  You can't manufacture that...its natural.

When we focus more on what people look like, we neglect our ability to become more attractive.  We don't allow ourselves to open up, and we remain stuck in the space that is not of equal distance between the mind and the heart.  An equal space between the mind and heart suggest that we are capable of making decisions with equitable amounts of emotional and rational consideration.  If you are stuck totally in your mind in a relationship, thinking only of what he/she looks like, what kind of car he/she drives, what he/she will become, etc., we don't allow ourselves the ability to grow with one another.  We don't allow ourselves to become attractive to one another.  We keep our minds focused so much on the superficial, that we neglect the ability to establish any true connection.  We lose our ability to be rational.  We are "stuck on stupid" as the colloquialism expresses.  Similarly if we are stuck in the heart, we are too emotional and make decisions based solely on how something feels.  This is considered irrational as well.

For me personally, in essence, when someone generally appreciates you, and looks to spend any ounce of free time exploring every part of you, in order to learn more about you, THATS ATTRACTION.  When the depths of your conversations take you places you have never been or explored in your life, THATS ATTRACTION.  When they can look at you at your weakest or most physically attractive point and still see beauty in you, THATS ATTRACTION.  Its deep but that's when you know someone really SEES you for who you are.

Free yet unappreciative...

Have you ever considered what life would be like if you grew up in a country with either very limited or no civil liberties?  I find it interesting that no matter how free we are as a people in the US, we are, unfortunately, very greedy and unappreciative.  With the understanding that we have come very far, and granted we have so far to go, it's unfortunate that we judge people who are not like us.  We proclaim that we are suffering, when it is our own fault for not managing our perception, and for not educating ourselves.  We stomp on flags.  We are proclaim to be offended by everything but don't ever consider that we offend.  We fight for equality but don't treat each other equally or even how we would want to be treated.

Even with every civil liberty granted in the United States of America we focus on who has the largest butt, best weave, who's wining the most cases (just or unjust), nicest car, makes the most money, partying with and idolizing the famous...We worry more about every one else and less about managing ourselves, our children and our future.  I honestly feel bad for the future of this country.  We neglect the poor, we step on the weak, we judge the uneducated.

I like to think I use social media for the purpose for which I believe it was intended.  You can assume aspects of my life, which you are unaware of, and draw conclusions based on what you assumed, however the purpose is to challenge you to to change your perspective and challenge yourself to love more.  

The Loss

I am one of the most fearless people I know.  Most often extremely confident, strong and unemotional.  My ability to control my emotions has yielded to my success I believe.  I set goals and I achieve them.  My focus never wavered.  But every now and then life throws you a curve ball.  And even the most proactive person (like myself) is forced to be reactive.  I despise being reactive but I had no plan, and the curve ball I was hit with was life.  I mean actual life, growing inside of me.  For a moment time and space stood still.  While these things most often are never planned, in my case no exception, we decided to be parents.  From that moment I became a mother and my love for my child was unfamiliar but good.

Most often women while pregnant experience exclusion.  Excluded for hanging out, because you can't drink or partying because your too tired and/or have a moral issue with being out while with child.  While pregnant you become one with your body and your child.  It is literally just the two of you because unless you have been pregnant, you can't fathom the extent of the love shared between a mother and child.  And you also can't understand the exclusion until your sitting in it.  Nonetheless we prevail, and move forward as exclusion becomes a memory.  A mother focuses on her child, the life growing inside her womb, and what she needs to do to protect that child and keep him/her safe at all costs.

Everyday I think "if only I could give anything to get my son back".  I was one of those first time mothers who is very in tune with my body, and at that time all things I had experienced, as far as I was aware, was extremely normal; no issues and no complications.  But the one day I experienced something out of the ordinary, I soon sensed something was wrong.  I went in to labor too early and soon thereafter, my child was be born, into this world all too soon.

A loss, like this, was so foreign to me.  How was I to know how to feel and how to react to something like this.  For a typically unemotional person this was a bit too much, to say the least.  This is especially since I literally gave birth (naturally, without any medicine might I add) and the pain I endured was nothing compared to the joy I felt holding my baby in my arms.  A moment with King I will never get back.  I miss him every single day.  This love is extraordinary.  And now all of my memories rest in my head and in a box...jam packed with love, joy and pain of losing him.

Not sure how to move forward after this loss, but I redirect my focus on what's in front of me, not what was.  I think about him every day.  I see his picture every day, and although every day gets easier that day, 8-1-15, I was left broken.  And that piece ripped from my heart will forever remain unamended from this loss.

Back Against the Wall

In life I find my tolerance for the lack of  decency and lack of consideration of others is steadily decreasing.  When you understand your self-worth, you know definitively what you will and will not tolerate.

My entire life I've fought to be understood and/or heard.  But people don't hear you when they don't like what you have to say.  Perception is often taken and used to justify one part of an argument without being used objectively to identify the issue and find a solution. It's easy for people to say how something makes him/her feel without understanding how his/her response makes someone else (the other party) feel.   I say all this to say as I examine my intimate and platonic interactions I have come to recognize that only you define your worth.  Not what you value but your value.  Possessions show what you value but have no merit on your value.   Many people get lost in the idea that they want people to think they have it all when in fact they are just broken on the inside, trying to maintain an image that only takes them further from the idea of their very own being (God given purpose).

When I try to share this specific idea with people it only seems that I am pushed further and further against the wall.  When you try and get people to see their lack of understanding or to see that it is very clear that the idea of his/herself portrayed is in direct contradiction with who people are it is like walking into a war zone.  No one wants people to see them for who they are when they have yet to come to terms with who they are...

In one of my last interactions it was so obvious that the individual's social network platform was the place he went to establish and validate his horizontal purpose (not God given).  He wanted people to believe that he was of great character, great choices, great passion for his people and great service (very philanthropic) but what he didn't portray was how in reality his actions and choices very rarely exemplified the man he portrayed to be.  He was caught in between right and ridiculous.  Lost in my opinion.  When you try to tell a man that he is not everything he portrays to be defenses automatically go up and your genuine concern for his personal growth are lost.  You begin to be identified as confused.  And when you continue to have people that are fooled by who you want to be and don't see you for who you are, you are more inclined to gravitate toward individuals who believe the idea of you.

I guess in a perfect world every man would be who they truly are and accept their faults and work honestly on being and portraying the same things.

One can dream...

Written (Originally Posted on TRTV blog by me 8/4/09)

TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2009

Written

So I can not remember a time when my hand did not clasp a pen or pencil....

I have had several journals and each page captured a different moment, a different feeling, a different time... Good times, bad times, sad times; all of which I wanted to remember. You never want to forget those emotions that hurt you, so you will not allow yourself to experience them again. You never want to loose sight of those things that worked for you, so you can recall on them to win.

For as long as I can remember, my heart has been written....I know no other way.

What is it that you love? What is your passion? Your dream....Do you wake up out of your sleep and think of it? 

Whatever it is, if it has you like that, you should take hold of it. Fight for it. I was not always understood but whenever I wasn't I would write about it. And there I found peace; and my serenity will forever lie in it...the pages.

Where do you vent?

I subscribe to my pages.....

*******************************

This week has been a good week. I have been encompassed by a great amount of peace. It feels wonderful. And you do not have to be married, successful or wealthy to be happy. Happiness comes from within...if emerges when you are at peace with yourself. No facade, just real. And you can really enjoy it when you find the positive in each moment, each downfall, each trial, etc. Nothing is ever perfect, but when you acknowledge the lesson in it, you can use it; re-direct your focus.

I am determined to do me, make me happy buy seeking my dreams....And they do not come from nothing. You have to give more than 50 percent; and I guarantee you it can be done.

Once you are sought....you will know your fight was won!

Original Post

History Pt.1 -Racism & the "Right Now"

I spent my early years trying to find my purpose as most.  I wanted to know what my place was on this earth.  I wanted to determine how I would impact the individuals I came in contract with.  I wanted to know how I could make the world better.  As a child my world view was distorted.  My perception of life was what was provided to me via cultural norms, history lessons and the state of the current economy.  And although as a student I had no interest in history, that never meant I didn't pay attention to it.  How I wanted to view the world never depended on what was, for me it was always about what is and what will be.  I hoped to impact what will be.

As an adult I shifted my view, not only was my perception formed by my cultural norms, religious beliefs, moral, values, etc., but my perception of the world is too heavily impacted by how others see it.  Because I believe in order for me to impact change appropriately I have to understand how and why the world is viewed as it is.  After spending sometime in another country I came to find that the world is as great or as miserable as we see it.  While living overseas I spent time in a country which is not as  "racially specific/classified" as the US.  The first thing I appreciated was that I was labeled an American, not African-American.  For as long as I can remember I was born in America, with decent of African heritage but so far removed (well over 6 generations) that I saw myself as more of an American than anything.  Now that is not to say that I did not want to learn about or disown my roots, that is not what I am saying at all, but I am an American right?  I always questioned why classification had to be further specified in the US. I found that in the US we subcategorize ourselves until we cannot anymore.  Whether race, socioeconomic class, religion etc.  While I understand the statistical need for this, I do believe that this further perpetuates the idea of racism.

As a child I learned of racism, as an African American youth I watched Roots (and other movies amongst reading and researching the history of slavery and injustice), and I understood the severity of how it was to live during that time.  I admire my ancestors and predecessors for their courage and strength during those times.  As difficult as it was to exist in those times, I like to think (as an adult), that I would not allow all of those instances to taint my view of the world as I know it today.  Never to forget how far the world or African-American people have come as a whole, but to view the world for its progress and to hope to impact more positive change.  I saw it possible when I lived overseas.  People loving one another and coexisting as one race.  Not only had I never experienced it, but before I had experienced it I never considered it could be possible.

What is most prevalent now is how we see the world and what we want to make of it.  I believe we are right now people (generally speaking).  We are people who act on, fight for, get emotionally involved in issues of "right now".  What do I consider a "right now" cause?  Well when I speak of a "right now" cause I am referring to those issues, occurrences and/or ideals that have been publicized to evoke a mass emotional response.  The media provides every source of current events and news in the world.  Yet we somehow do not see the contradiction.  The media informs the people of the news, but unless you are conscious of the manipulative nature of the press/news you may not consider the idea that the news shapes your perception/or view of said news.  The media plays on the response of the people watching it (to provoke an emotional response), to yield to more ratings to signify "news worthy" press.  Before the cause was presented via media outlets, did you know what was happening?  Did it concern you what injustice was occurring around the world?  Odds are you had no idea, because it was something that did not interrupt your everyday routine or impact you personally.  But now that you know you feel emotionally empowered to provoke change.  But what happens when it is no longer newsworthy?  We forget and go on to the next "right now" cause.  Its a never ending cycle.

Unfortunately we are not proactive people.  We address things as they are presented to us.  We do not go out and make the difference we want to seek because before it became newsworthy it was not an issue for us.  We assume everything is ok until we believe there is "proof" that it is not.  Or we assume the absolute worst, until there is proof it is not.  I despise the bandwagon causes.  But hey we are in a very free country.  A country we fail to understand how to live in.  A country we fail to exist in peacefully.  While I do believe that injustice and racism is prevalent today, I too believe that how we view the world contributes to the extent of how we view injustice and/or racism.

In efforts to not make this post one million words, I will take a pause and come back to this topic.  I will discuss the views of African Americans and other world leaders whose causes were to fight for justice for all, regardless to race, creed, color, religion, etc.  I can only hope that one day their ideals will be actualized and not just misinterpreted and/or misused to support "right now" causes.  

A Necessary Thought...

I despise the idea that I maybe considered less of an African American because I have a different view...not necessarily in opposition but different.. Riots and looting solve nothing! Never have and never will! It's a moment of attention but when nothing comes from the action then what? What other efforts are you going to make? 

"We are in one of the freest countries in the world", yet we don't know how to survive in it. We allow it to control us and don't take responsibility for our actions just play victim and exist believing that "this is how it has to be" without doing anything about it. Mothers and fathers send their kids to school don't check homework or give two cares about the lack of respect a child shows toward his/her teacher or fellow student. But then it's not the parent it's the teacher responsibility ! Ok... So if we don't care why should they? If we fear each other, why wouldn't they? 

If all we can see is a white man killing a black man we are missing the real issue...and I am not in any way trying to belittle this counties history of slavery however the judicial system/law is corrupt. This country was founded on Christian principle yet we live in contradiction of those principles. And the irony of it all is that we praise people in law school who consider themselves great if they can get a "guilty" man off...and why? Because they have used the legal system in their favor and not for what is fair or just in a way that shows they a superior to the law, e.g. mastered it. 

There are many systems that fail us daily yet we fail to identify them and with the simple fact that perception is everything. We as a culture are failing one another... We have to get in front of that and be the change we want to seek. We spend more time hating and envying people than loving people and genuinely being concerned for their wellbeing and/or aiding in their progress. It's time out for always playing the victim. It's not helping us at all! 

Not saying that it's not wrong by far that men have died at the hands of officers who failed to practice law enforcement appropriately. But what I will say is that one reason I want a gun is to protect me from people who have no common decency and selfish goals. 

We can't control men or women...we can't control their ideas, motives etc., but what we can control is ourselves and the circumstances and situations we put ourselves in... We have control over our children and the moral, value and standards that they hold themselves to. We have control over how others perceive us. We have control over our behavior. We have the choice to be better... I guess one day we will make an effort to progress in the absence of killing, anger, raping, jealousy/envy, pride and money driven goals. 

Love... Now that may be the answer we can't fathom will work but just may do the trick!