I don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Or how to say it
You make me smile uncontrollably
I get anxious
Butterflies are present
At the slightest mention of your name
And all these symptoms remain the same
Sure sign of love

Now
I don't know how to deal with this
I don't want to indulge in this
To good to be true
You make me happy
But love in the relationship tense
Has been non-existent

I need strength to release the latch
That's attached to the key and lock
That gate my heart
My soul so fragile
But you make my heart so tangible

Lost in the expectation
Anticipating the ever after
You make lyrics easy
And the heart smiles at the opportunity

I want to say yes
I want you to come in
Just don't leave when
Shit gets ruff
When you find out that my strength has a cap
I can only resist so much
But I want to
Build up amenity to
Sustain you

The Contradiction

I met a man and I thought that he was something short of perfect, but he was a perfect asshole.  I let my love blind me...it muffled my ability to think clearly about his intention.  Although he was a perfect gentlemen and he loved me for the time being, he never knew how to respect me.  He never understood that respect was so very critical to relational success.  He thought I would lie to him, but he would lie to me.  He felt that it was ok to love me today and fuck her tomorrow, but he loved me and "respected me".  Do you see the contradiction?

Kept me
Fighting the urge to walk away
But my heart was clearer than my mind
It outweighed my ability to see
I couldn't accept that love passed me by
I wanted you more
Than anything and I couldn't help
Loving you in spite of
The contradiction
Lack of respect
I missed your presence
The man I fell in love with
The heart I saw in your eyes
The soul I bathe with
I couldn't understand why
You played on my emotion
For your own selfish reasons
Neglected my passion
Accepted my lust
And pushed away my heart
Saw the tears and you ran
But you felt love
The contradiction

The Unexpected

You remind me of that song I had not heard in years
Bring back smiles
And laughs that lighten my heart to tears

You
So unexpectedly sought the introduction
And after intention emerged
And sincerity was made clear
I was enticed

More and more
I craved you
Secretly longed for more contact
Wanting your interest to match mine

Even now
The irony intrigues me
No physical contact
But the desire does not fade
Intensity is great
And I cant wait for the first date

Even more now
You turned out to be
The one that showers me with peace
Brought by the presence of true adoration
And loyalty

I hope nothing will change
Always as new to us as school was to you
Before the grades turned to numbers

No amount of miles will diminish
The way my soul breathes you in
Harmony
The way we gel
I am so open to you

And we
Now only in the beginning stages
But these are moments
To fill time capsules
Because even if "Friend" is as far as we get
Your footprint leaves a stamp on my life
I will never forget

MAMA

My mother is a very courageous woman.  There were so many times I was selfish or couldn't understand why she had certain feelings or the times I thought she said no for no reason, I get that now.  I love her for my life and for shaping me into the women she always knew I could be.  To make her happy is my life long dream and with every one of my accomplishments it becomes reality.  Her smile is my motivation to be a BETTER me.  So, with that I dedicate this poem to my mother. 

Mama
I noticed
I saw how hard it was
But you wanted better
You never gave up
When child support wasn't enough
Put us to bed
And went on to the next job

I knew how much courage it took
To shake the tears
Had to say no dreams
To feed the needs
All those things we couldn't afford
But we never went hungry
Did't get it then
But now it's understood
I couldn't see
The fight
The drive
But yet
It rubbed off on me
And
I want you to know
I love the woman who would sale her soul
To give her children everything
Didn't stop until we no longer had to eat bologna
Homemade school uniforms
Hand me downs
Everything
Never ending love
Undying grace
Inexplicable faith
I love you Mama
Thank you for sacrifyicing
So that I could enjoy the finer things

Although it took years
We can now reflect
Look at your life
And your children's success

We are
The epitome of you
Your hardwork
Dedication
Courage
And pride was few
Because when it came down to it
You did all you could do
And I thank you
Mama
I love you

Can I Walk With You?

Never live in fear
Fighting for the opportunity
To take advantage of all chances
But you

Over analyzing the possibilities
No desire for the drama
Pain
Or deceit
So like most adamant lovers I retreat
Missing out
Taking the loss
Passing up on the better companion
Running away from the better option
Scared
Don't want to admit the possibility
That has me swallowing pride
Succumbing to the phrase "out of sight out of mind"
To help me cope
Ignoring passion for you
Because my life is so
Unpredictable

I don't want to run anymore
We speak through stanzas and phrases so in tune
You seek me
I run from you
Not ready
But
No more of that now
I need your sincerity
I fell victim to manipulation and so I grew weary

Not sure when I could admit
Not sure if I could commit
But I want to
In all my efforts to seek truth
I allowed love's desire to fuel
As  I run from the soul's mate request

I want to walk with you
I am open now
Continue to allow your words to caress my skin
Hugs that bear security
Kisses that reaffirm all that you could not say
Bliss
You surpass all the hype
My truth
So ready now
I ask
Can I walk with you?

Ignored Truth

You ignore me
The black eye
The bruised side
The dark shades you continue to buy
Yet
You disregard
Busted lips
Cracked ribs
And torn heart
Bleeding love
Seeping trust
Discarding me
Truth
That which you ignore so easily
You do not fret
Nor tear you shed
Immune
And here he comes
Five dozen roses
Gucci bag
Louie shades
And your heart in his hand
Patched up for now
Then it comes back
Heavy as cast iron
You sustain the pain
Fall back into the shadows
Dark in the depths
Devalued
Pride placed in his wallet
Behind the black card
That pays for your silence
Ignored the facts
And again
He tears you down
Fists bring you to shame
So he feels like a man
Just to gain
Submission
Wants to play God
In this instance
And you don't understand
Say it's love
But you ignore
Truth
But for how long

You Lovin' Me

You lovin' me
And my heart belongs
Wrapped in the arms of the man I long
Still
Patiently devoted
But no words will
Move him
So I allow you to love me
In the meantime
You show me every inch of your
Soul
Your heart
Your body explored
And I love you
But in love
Not at all
Yet
You lovin' me
With no truth of commitment
Little passion for future shit
Just the now
You
Buy my mind occupied time
Redirecting thoughts
Placing smiles where
His absence hurts
Mending pain
For now
So I ask you to
Stop
Loving you is neither then or now
I
In love still
Encourage you to gain will
To acknowledge how I feel
To let me be and love for real
Because even if he doesn't come back
Loving you means settle
And both of us don't need regret
So
Stop
Your continuing to love me
Doesn't carve our names in the soul of destiny
But
You lovin' me is fatal
You are killing the desire to love
Once I deny your intention again
You will dwell
Time spends
No rewind
Lost in life again
Still
You lovin' me
Break the cycle
I hate to be
The foundation of the heartbreak that led to inability to love
That's exactly what happened to me
Questions of why and how
Wanted to be everything I could be
But I was
Not good enough
So in love
I suffer
Cause
You lovin' me
I'm loving him
And he lovin' she
Trapped in love
Tangled miserably

Any Way The Wind Blows

You go any way
Right
Left
Forward
Back
Just goin'
Wind blowin'

You make me fear the trail
You lead and I
Stuck here
Making sense of it all

Once was here
Now there
Holding her
Your heart here
Doesn't make sense

Tell me why
You go
Any way the wind blows

The heart shows through your concern
Your smile
Your enegry
Emotion
You let me know
This is where you belong
Here

But
For now you sleep there
You call here
And you yearn more
Because although it was easy
Being blown by the wind
It is harder to fight
Yet
True love always wins

The Power of Confidence

You hide behind the shadow of you

So caught up in the unnatural
Engulfed in the facade of perfection
Can't comprehend
The power that speaks volumes
The quiet in the storm
The illuminated soul
It’s radiant

I see what you are
You see what you want to be
Unleveled
You take time away from self development
To build on the politically correct/socially accepted you
Don’t even know you
Don’t listen to your heart to hear its truth
Quiet now
Peace is still
Take a second to really exhale
What do you see?
Life in reality
Real time
In this I find sincerity
I take pride in me here
It’s home
It allows me to be at peace
Even when I am alone
If you don’t realize the power you hold
You can never convince me
I will never believe you
Let confidence guide
Let your pride ride
Not steer
Humility is accepting the faults
Use them
I speak volumes
My words move mountains
You witness the greatness
You see the light that illuminates
I can’t fake it
The smile is pure and I BELIEVE
I HAVE FAITH
My confidence exudes

No fear
There is no hesitation
It is the acceptance of choice
Don’t take for granted the consequences
Let them teach you
Let the hurt prompt you
Falling is ok
Just remember not to break
You are as great as your greatest thought
Make light of you
Let it drive you

Use the confidence as power
Don’t let it overtake you
Too much of anything can overwhelm you
I am watching
I am waiting
Embrace YOU
I want to share this peace with you

Untitled

The possibilities are infinite
My insecurities fear it
I want you more than I have ever wanted anything
But
If I let down my guard I risk shame

Love has so many expectations
So many rules and regulations
And we don't meet the norm

I could say that it is traditional
But we are so unconventional
And no one understands it
We
Breaking all the rules
Fear the reprecaussions
But when it is pure and true
You can't deny it
I want you

There is nothing better
We make time to be there
You long to rest here
In between my breast
And I find peace
In your lips as the press against
The temple
With all sincerety
You make it harder to rid myself of you
You want it as much as I do

You make it easy
Time makes it impossible
Can we live with this?
I feel God ordained it
But will we be able to sustain

I long to hear your name
And you envision my frame
In future years
All of the signs are here

So
Allow souls to dictate
Or
Fall victim to unconventional mandates?
Heartbreak is at stake
What path should we take?