Your Kiss

Melt away my fear
Bring cheer to my heart
Warm my cheeks to rise
I smile
Engulfed in you
And your kiss
You make me feel alive
My soul dances
My spirit sings
Happy tunes
No blues
And its all due
To
Your kiss
How much longer do I have to wait for it?

Steps

One foot out
now in motion
I take the first step
and the robe that draped my bear skin
is now covering cement that still lingers of warmth
from when I was there

step two
open my arms
throw back my head
sun rays fed
my soul
free

step three
sirens scream
mothers snarl
and men seem to not lose focus
can I get to step four without
taking away liberties
nope

now in the back of a cop car
but life happens
in the search of personal liberties
my naked soul bearing
formed a road block in progress
and it may be this way for centuries

Patience is of Virtue

Patience is a fragile thing
It is very powerful and underestimated quality

In the world
Patience
Keeps wars from happening
Keeps boys from marrying women
And children from having babies
But the world thrives on controversy
Everyone wants to take a stand for negativity and make it positive
I mean
There is no justification for locking up innocent men
Or breeding children to do anything less but win
Or allowing the media to eat at individualism
Establishing bias
And contributing to the bridge that separates facade and reality

In life
Anxiety eats at patience
And society fuels desires to eliminate waiting
"Act Now"
"Think Now"
Common slogans that force us to compromise time
Time that allows us to make conscious decisions
Decisions and choices that allow communities to compete
Keeping up with the Jones is the norm
And living within means is poverty

And in love
Patience
Is the trait that allows you to recognize its worth
Love without time is a loss
You can not value something that you have not experienced anything with
Marriage symbolizes this
Marriage is a journey
A struggle
And an appreciation for the ability to sustain the love of one
When in true love
Patience is earned
You have to know its place
To understand

Patience and time make memories
They form journeys
And fuel appreciation for the simple things
Forcing anything is a sign of vulnerability
You wear you insecurities on your sleeve
When you feel you have to compromise time to be happy
You need step back and think
That maybe you need to work on self
See
Patience is of Virtue
The more time you take to iron out the kinks
The more smooth this thing called life will be

Reflection

So I am the type of person who dwells not on success but I appreciate the lesson.  I reward myself with pursuing the next goal, checking more things off my list and it is great to take a moment to smile and reflect on where I have been.  Unfortunately for me reflection is in the form of review.  In order for me to accurately reflect I need to go back and there is nothing that takes me back like reading my journey; diaries and memoirs pieces of me on each page.  I cry at the struggles, I smile at its reward because pain fuels drive and the more it hurts the more gas I burn trying to get it right.  A product of perfectionism, a blessing and a curse but for me it works.  So with that I come up with this and I title it "Reflection".  Hope you enjoy!

With each page turned I digress
Temporarily forgetting its purpose
No longer seeing progression
Just hurt and
The pain that screams to me
I can't help but go back there
And mentally I am in a  new place
Flash back to what was
Thinking of how I could have helped changed its course
But fate wouldn't allow
New page turn
To where I am hit with lover's ambition
Always loved hard
But was never loved hard
So it hurts even more
Inconsistent with heart's desire
And what my soul needed so
I made dumb decisions
And turmoil emerged
And the further back I go
I come to know a little girl
Scorned from childhood names
And juvenile games that left tears that stained my pillows
And then the writer was born
Kept the thoughts and words on paper to leave them there
Sought refuge in a pen
Then developed the skill to speak poetically
And I continued to find peace there
Years passed and I still see strength in words
For the pen allows gratification
A freed spirit
No anger just motivation to want better
And with every breath
Every stride
Every note
And every line
I gave more
To my reflection
I gave more to my journey
And the autobiography is still being written

I don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Or how to say it
You make me smile uncontrollably
I get anxious
Butterflies are present
At the slightest mention of your name
And all these symptoms remain the same
Sure sign of love

Now
I don't know how to deal with this
I don't want to indulge in this
To good to be true
You make me happy
But love in the relationship tense
Has been non-existent

I need strength to release the latch
That's attached to the key and lock
That gate my heart
My soul so fragile
But you make my heart so tangible

Lost in the expectation
Anticipating the ever after
You make lyrics easy
And the heart smiles at the opportunity

I want to say yes
I want you to come in
Just don't leave when
Shit gets ruff
When you find out that my strength has a cap
I can only resist so much
But I want to
Build up amenity to
Sustain you

The Contradiction

I met a man and I thought that he was something short of perfect, but he was a perfect asshole.  I let my love blind me...it muffled my ability to think clearly about his intention.  Although he was a perfect gentlemen and he loved me for the time being, he never knew how to respect me.  He never understood that respect was so very critical to relational success.  He thought I would lie to him, but he would lie to me.  He felt that it was ok to love me today and fuck her tomorrow, but he loved me and "respected me".  Do you see the contradiction?

Kept me
Fighting the urge to walk away
But my heart was clearer than my mind
It outweighed my ability to see
I couldn't accept that love passed me by
I wanted you more
Than anything and I couldn't help
Loving you in spite of
The contradiction
Lack of respect
I missed your presence
The man I fell in love with
The heart I saw in your eyes
The soul I bathe with
I couldn't understand why
You played on my emotion
For your own selfish reasons
Neglected my passion
Accepted my lust
And pushed away my heart
Saw the tears and you ran
But you felt love
The contradiction

The Unexpected

You remind me of that song I had not heard in years
Bring back smiles
And laughs that lighten my heart to tears

You
So unexpectedly sought the introduction
And after intention emerged
And sincerity was made clear
I was enticed

More and more
I craved you
Secretly longed for more contact
Wanting your interest to match mine

Even now
The irony intrigues me
No physical contact
But the desire does not fade
Intensity is great
And I cant wait for the first date

Even more now
You turned out to be
The one that showers me with peace
Brought by the presence of true adoration
And loyalty

I hope nothing will change
Always as new to us as school was to you
Before the grades turned to numbers

No amount of miles will diminish
The way my soul breathes you in
Harmony
The way we gel
I am so open to you

And we
Now only in the beginning stages
But these are moments
To fill time capsules
Because even if "Friend" is as far as we get
Your footprint leaves a stamp on my life
I will never forget

MAMA

My mother is a very courageous woman.  There were so many times I was selfish or couldn't understand why she had certain feelings or the times I thought she said no for no reason, I get that now.  I love her for my life and for shaping me into the women she always knew I could be.  To make her happy is my life long dream and with every one of my accomplishments it becomes reality.  Her smile is my motivation to be a BETTER me.  So, with that I dedicate this poem to my mother. 

Mama
I noticed
I saw how hard it was
But you wanted better
You never gave up
When child support wasn't enough
Put us to bed
And went on to the next job

I knew how much courage it took
To shake the tears
Had to say no dreams
To feed the needs
All those things we couldn't afford
But we never went hungry
Did't get it then
But now it's understood
I couldn't see
The fight
The drive
But yet
It rubbed off on me
And
I want you to know
I love the woman who would sale her soul
To give her children everything
Didn't stop until we no longer had to eat bologna
Homemade school uniforms
Hand me downs
Everything
Never ending love
Undying grace
Inexplicable faith
I love you Mama
Thank you for sacrifyicing
So that I could enjoy the finer things

Although it took years
We can now reflect
Look at your life
And your children's success

We are
The epitome of you
Your hardwork
Dedication
Courage
And pride was few
Because when it came down to it
You did all you could do
And I thank you
Mama
I love you

Can I Walk With You?

Never live in fear
Fighting for the opportunity
To take advantage of all chances
But you

Over analyzing the possibilities
No desire for the drama
Pain
Or deceit
So like most adamant lovers I retreat
Missing out
Taking the loss
Passing up on the better companion
Running away from the better option
Scared
Don't want to admit the possibility
That has me swallowing pride
Succumbing to the phrase "out of sight out of mind"
To help me cope
Ignoring passion for you
Because my life is so
Unpredictable

I don't want to run anymore
We speak through stanzas and phrases so in tune
You seek me
I run from you
Not ready
But
No more of that now
I need your sincerity
I fell victim to manipulation and so I grew weary

Not sure when I could admit
Not sure if I could commit
But I want to
In all my efforts to seek truth
I allowed love's desire to fuel
As  I run from the soul's mate request

I want to walk with you
I am open now
Continue to allow your words to caress my skin
Hugs that bear security
Kisses that reaffirm all that you could not say
Bliss
You surpass all the hype
My truth
So ready now
I ask
Can I walk with you?

Ignored Truth

You ignore me
The black eye
The bruised side
The dark shades you continue to buy
Yet
You disregard
Busted lips
Cracked ribs
And torn heart
Bleeding love
Seeping trust
Discarding me
Truth
That which you ignore so easily
You do not fret
Nor tear you shed
Immune
And here he comes
Five dozen roses
Gucci bag
Louie shades
And your heart in his hand
Patched up for now
Then it comes back
Heavy as cast iron
You sustain the pain
Fall back into the shadows
Dark in the depths
Devalued
Pride placed in his wallet
Behind the black card
That pays for your silence
Ignored the facts
And again
He tears you down
Fists bring you to shame
So he feels like a man
Just to gain
Submission
Wants to play God
In this instance
And you don't understand
Say it's love
But you ignore
Truth
But for how long

You Lovin' Me

You lovin' me
And my heart belongs
Wrapped in the arms of the man I long
Still
Patiently devoted
But no words will
Move him
So I allow you to love me
In the meantime
You show me every inch of your
Soul
Your heart
Your body explored
And I love you
But in love
Not at all
Yet
You lovin' me
With no truth of commitment
Little passion for future shit
Just the now
You
Buy my mind occupied time
Redirecting thoughts
Placing smiles where
His absence hurts
Mending pain
For now
So I ask you to
Stop
Loving you is neither then or now
I
In love still
Encourage you to gain will
To acknowledge how I feel
To let me be and love for real
Because even if he doesn't come back
Loving you means settle
And both of us don't need regret
So
Stop
Your continuing to love me
Doesn't carve our names in the soul of destiny
But
You lovin' me is fatal
You are killing the desire to love
Once I deny your intention again
You will dwell
Time spends
No rewind
Lost in life again
Still
You lovin' me
Break the cycle
I hate to be
The foundation of the heartbreak that led to inability to love
That's exactly what happened to me
Questions of why and how
Wanted to be everything I could be
But I was
Not good enough
So in love
I suffer
Cause
You lovin' me
I'm loving him
And he lovin' she
Trapped in love
Tangled miserably